Hi friends! I hope you are all keeping safe and warm this winter as the US is dealing with some freaky weather this January! We are staying warm here in South Texas (indoors) and so far the hard freezes have not lasted too long where I live so our plumbing has been okay. And we are blessed we didn’t lose power during this recent cold front. For those who don’t know, our home is built on a pier and beam foundation (1951) and that means there is a crawl space under the house. It can become very problematic when artic cold fronts cause longer hard freezes (as we found out the hard way in February of 2021). Generally, our climate here is quite tropical but as things change we are learning to cope with both the extreme heat and the extreme cold.

Today, I was able to open the metal blinds I had closed to help keep out the harsh cold so I’m very happy to have natural light at my pen desk again! The cats are happy to have more windows to look out of too. They were down to 2 viewing stations (windows) that they could see out of during this freezing weather!

Colds!

In addition to the cold weather, Manuel came down with an actual cold last Friday which seems to be an old fashioned cold not more serious, thankfully. Yesterday around noon it hit me (sore throat, congestion, runny nose) which is very understandable since we were cooped up during the cost blast and it’s pretty hard to avoid a virus in close quarters. I’m okay but my nose is red, my throat is sore and I’m in no shape for making a video much as I wanted to prior to getting these sniffles + ikkies. I’m grateful this seems to be a pretty run of the mill virus and I hope I will shake it off quickly. It’s great we have everything we need due to our year round prepping for hurricanes and other disasters. It’s still cold outside even though the hard freeze ended.

Pen News!

The big pen news is that I got my order from Cardinal Pens … which I ordered with a gift card/credit from pen friend CS who generously arranged/transferred a gift card she won from a drawing (the country she lives the postage would use up most of it is what Brian from Cardinal Pens explained to me) …. so THANK YOU very much to both CS and Brian for this kindness. I was so excited because I had my eye on the TWSBI Eco Plum Onyx but I am in a “no spend” for stationery at this time. I’m being strict with myself on this because of our need to save for several things (travel to see family, new appliance(s), home upkeep, etc.) and because in reality I have WAY enough pens. But when TWSBI puts out beautiful new colorways in my favorite model (Eco) it is tempting. So I knew the very moment I heard about this gift card I would order the Plum Onyx if they had it … and as luck had it …. they did + they even had it in a Broad nib (my favorite nib size)! I am enjoying the pen immensely with Pilot Yama-Budo ink!!!! It looks to me like a forever pairing!!!!! (Coco approves!)

The gift card was $70 and I spent all but 51 cents of it because I also got a blue bulb syringe and a package of 100 sheets of white 52 gsm Tomoe River paper. I have lots of great writing paper to use up this year, however I run out of 52 gsm TR paper first because I like to use it in overseas pen pal letters to keep my letters under one ounce.

Unthinkable Horrors

Sunday, I wrote my outrage and called my Texas Rep and Senators (they are all Republicans). I always start on the 5calls.org website but I don’t like to read someone else’s script … I want them to hear my personal message. I hate calling but I feel we MUST. If we are silent what does that mean? We’re “okay” with this shit? No way - I’m not okay with it! The horrific murder Saturday of Alex Pretti - US citizen - a VA ICU nurse - legally carrying a concealed handgun (which he did not pull out and which was removed from him BEFORE agents shot him in the back multiple times) - legally exercising his rights (recording and observing, protesting peacefully) in Minnesota (and attempting to protect a woman shoved to the ice by a federal agent) is one of the most heinous + despicable things I’ve ever witnessed in my 62 years — right up there with George Floyd and Renee Good’s murders. And, one thing I noticed after I made my calls + logged them as “left voicemail” was that when I clicked on the part where you can see the status of the calls made … the numbers were LOW … numbers in the low 2 thousands which is heartbreaking … unless people are calling in bigger numbers but not logging in their calls - but I wouldn’t necessarily count on that. The calls to our local Representative Cloud were super low (hundreds only) + I’m not sure what this means. I do not enjoy the emails I sometimes get back in response to lodging my complaints with Republicans in Congress …. but these are the people that “represent” us and they need to be aware of our outrage and our non agreement with rising authoritarianism and fascism . My focus recently has been putting pressure on Senator Cornyn because he is up for re-election THIS YEAR. There’s just not an ounce of energy to waste here … we can not wait until the mid-terms to stand up for what’s right.

AdSense (You Tube) Thoughts

On to something that doesn’t matter one iota when you really put life into perspective. My ongoing experiment to determine whether I’ll keep AdSense or demonetize my You Tube channel. I have not yet made a final decision. My goal was to decide by Jan. 31st, 2026. So, 4 days from now. Meanwhile, while I’ve been taking notes on pros and cons and examining my motivations and goals for the future … the channel ad revenue accumulated $67.17 for December and January combined with NO ADS or monetization being put onto my NEW videos. So, that was interesting. I’ve had varied thoughts and intuitions about this. On the one hand I think I will miss having the “pen allowance” these funds provide. On the other hand, I really want to get off the merry-go-round of acquiring more stuff (other than maybe a birthday/Christmas pen and any consumable things like paper to replace what I use). I’ve had the AdSense revenue for 7 full years now and made approximately $75 a month. I’m leaning heavily toward demonetization but I have yet to have a coherent justification … it’s gut instinct at this point and I know from experience that means it’s likely the RIGHT thing to do and unlikely to be something I regret seriously. This morning I logged in some new thoughts into my Decision Journal and I realized the mere fact that I’ve considered this for 3 almost 4 years should tell me something. I am determined not to let this be a struggle or negative. I know that whatever I decide, my commitment to the decision is the main importance. And this morning I wrote down on the pro-demonetization side: simpler income taxes, moving strongly toward minimalism and less consumerism AND becoming less dependent on the volatile ad $ stream. Over on the pro-monetization side I wrote: money for stationery items, money for food bank contributions, and not having to face change … being able to delay rocking my boat.

Interesting. We can still give to the food bank from our family budget and reasonable things like stamps and paper and stickers can fit into a realistic budget for us too … Manuel has always been supportive and encouraging of my hobbies as I am of his. Gifting at birthdays and Christmas would be a good time to ask for a pen or something more expensive than supplies.

So the whole AdSense issue matters but it doesn’t matter if that makes sense. I did my taxes yesterday and on the $959. I earned in 2025 I paid $136 in taxes … there seemed to be a change in credits this year … way over my head and handled by the tax prep software so my profit was + $823. for the year and $68.58 average monthly. Which makes sense since I don’t cater to the algorithm and I do consider my channel to be a hobby endeavor not a job. When I first started doing it I do remember the hidden/deeper dream of maybe “making it big” on You Tube but reality has since taught me I’m not cut out for working with sponsors and such or adding any more pressure to my daily work load which consists of a lot of people caregiving and cat, home + yard + self keeping. You Tube and the Fountain Pen Hobby is like my little sanctuary of personal connections, pen pal writing, journaling, and the lifelong joy of writing + notetaking!!!! I have no plans at this time to quit making videos but I’d like to keep it really simple. Perhaps I’ve answered my own questions here. More soon.

Please be safe out there! And I’ll see you soon back over on You Tube with my February line up of pens and inks!

~Chris~

First though, I just have to share that I accidently found out how much I love this combination:

Pen: Pilot Vanishing Point - M

Ink: Pilot Iroshizuku - Yama-budo

Paper: Midori (I’m using a B6 Slim/grid)

I first started using my Pilot Vanishing Point a few days ago for left handed writing and it surprised me how well that went! Friday, I had a flare up of thumb/wrist pain with my left hand and I’m back in a brace for my thumb. Overuse no doubt. Meanwhile, my right index finger (healing since Sept. 16th from Trigger Finger) is so much better!!!!! I can type with a splint and in very small doses I’ve started writing with my right hand. I’m being very cautious about using a death grip … making sure I’m allowing the pen to glide smoothly without any intense gripping. And, to my surprise I’m getting along better than ever with my Pilot VP. It’s smooth on this paper yet I don’t have problems with smearing! I have a refilled cartridge in it and I plan to keep it inked for November. In fact, as of today (Oct. 26th) I’m planning to have only 4 “new” fountain pens inked for November including the VP. I have only 4 remaining fountain pens (in my Levenger case) and have been cleaning pens steadily all month. After figuring out that my “usual” number of pens carried me for 2 months I decided I’d cut that in half and then if I do crave extra colors or something during November I can always add them.

In one case, this week, I had to finish a pen pal letter by typing the remaining thoughts I had because that was when my left hand decided to put up a fuss. I remain committed to pen pal writing because I really value the connections with my pen friends and there’s always some way to get at least a short letter out!!! (although I am ridiculously behind with 11 letters in my reply pile right now). I tend to type Mom’s letters when I have more than a notecard of things to say because I can increase the type size to a comfortable (big) size for her to read more easily.

Anyway, the Midori notebook is one I am using for a common place book but I also started making notes from the book I’m reading: On Freedom by Timothy Snyder. I wanted to be sure I didn’t either lose track of my book notes or start a whole new notebook for them. I tend to keep close track of my commonplace notebooks and this larger (than pocket) size it really working out great for me with the index and hand numbering.

The week was super intense in terms of guardianship duties … Tuesday through Thursday I was “right out straight” with it. On Tuesday, I “met” the new legal aid attorney for Mom’s appeal thru a phone conference and she seems sharp and very versed on the case. I felt very thankful she asked great questions, allowed me to tell her things I think are pertinent, and before we finished talking — she explained how she thinks the case should go forward. Her plan was very agreeable to me and she gave me some homework (info I needed to get for her) and she outlined her next steps and the meeting she’d be having on Mom’s behalf. Then, Wednesday was the day of my phone appointment to enroll Mom in a new Medicare Supplement and Part D plan with the company her retirement place is using for their Health Reimbursement Arrangement (HRA). Whew. After all the review of particulars it turned out the 2 plans I chose still seem to be the very best options — all things considered — so I was able to put in the applications online while still having the support of the representative from the (lets call them) HRA company. Then, next I ran out to the music store (for a mental health break) to get a small item for my guitar practice — this transition of activity helped a lot as I find those kinds of important decisions and phone/internet projects to be pretty stress inducing even when they work out good. Boy was that a great experience too …. we went to a locally owned music store called Clawson’s Music Store … and it was 10X better than I thought it would be and I will be going there from now on. But I digress.

Thursday was a mix of obtaining the needed documentation for the attorney (… this included calling the doctor, calling the assisted living center, calling Mom (again) and preparing 2 emails). I also had to prepare documents for the HRA company because although I was able to apply for Mom’s plans they needed the guardianship and a release on file AND their upload tool although it appeared to me to work - didn’t work (they said they couldn’t see the guardian order) AND their email they provided to easily email it to them returned the email as undeliverable. Odd too because their website for the most part was super user friendly and pages loaded well. This company also provided their snail mail address and it is in Texas so off I went to the post office to send the documents. I can tell that they didn’t need this for the enrollments because I already got confirmations from both plans. But going forward we/I may need to speak with representatives about claims or changes and so this makes sense to have all the documents submitted. I hope they fix the glitches in their upload tool and email because this isn’t my first paperwork rodeo and if I couldn’t make it work — others will most likely have the same issue.

I think that it may be more nerve wracking when helping someone else obtain something so essential than when doing something like an important application or income taxes for myself. There’s always a bit of an underlying fear that something could go wrong and be very difficult to sort out. I’ve still got one foot in the real concrete tangible/old school world and so all of this constant need for online accounts, secondary validation (smart phone), passwords, uploads and digital etc is a bit much at times even for me .. even though I think I have a pretty average comfort level with computers these days. I honest to goodness don’t know what people actually do who don’t do either smart phones or computers. The hold times for phone assistance can be brutal. The world seems to be pushing us all toward more and more digital ??? dependence. Eeeeks. And yet we’re still bombarded with paperwork even when we choose paperless. LOL

I think the week was successful. Things are not FINISHED by any means but they are well in progress. I did arrive at Friday feeling very very fried I guess is the word. My final letter of the week was typing out as simply as possible a one page explainer for Mom so she can begin to understand how the HRA will work. That’s in the mail to her.

It’s understandable my left hand rebelled some. Up ‘til Friday I was left hand writing for all but my envelopes. I can’t believe we are knocking on November’s door. How did that happen? I’m eager to choose 2 more fountain pens for November … I’ve got 2 already planned out one being the Pilot VP.

I hope this month is treating you well and that you are enjoying your hobbies and positive activities during this uncertain and stressful time. I will be making a video for You Tube (Chris’ Inked Pens) soon but I really enjoy connecting here between videos. In fact, one of these days I plan to upload a video here to see how it works. I love that video content is an option here.

Take care my friends and let me know how you’re doing in the comments!!! I found it so surprising that the Pilot VP and Midori worked so well together … either I’d forgotten or had not happened to try that particular Pen/Ink/Paper in the past. I’m not sure which. Anything that takes pressure off my finger/hands right now is great by me. I’ll see you soon over on You Tube and also in the comments here. Thank you for reading.

The first thing is that I bought a guitar with a small windfall I was given recently! Now, this is not my first guitar but I hope it will be the first one I learn to play! In 2015 after my Dad died, I purchased a nice guitar from a pawn shop … and it was beautiful and sounded great but it was WAY TOO BIG … something I did not consider because I didn’t do my research. So, I didn’t get very far and I gave that guitar to my neighbor who is a pastor at his local church … I see him out back playing his guitar and I figured someone might be able to use the guitar … he was delighted.

It has been on my bucket list to learn guitar and since I am now almost 62 — there is every reason to start now. The best time to start would have been 20 years ago … according to my new favorite guitar You Tuber, Lauren Bateman. I do plan to have some in person lessons next year, but for now I am learning such things as how to adjust and tune my guitar, some basic chords … very basic things because I never had music in school. But, I love to write poems and songs and I have always had this bucket list dream of unlocking the mysteries of making the musical sounds I love on a guitar. So here’s a pictures of me with my smaller but really fun little Yamaha JR2 guitar I picked up a week ago at a local guitar store:

The experience of going into the very big Guitar Center here in my city last Saturday to try out guitars and ultimately purchase this one … was really exciting! I couldn’t help but think about how it must be to go into a fountain pen i.e. “stationery store” and pick out ones first fountain pen. I did all my fountain pen shopping online … and of course prior to purchasing this guitar, I did a LOT of online browsing and comparing … almost to the point of overload lol but we do not have stationery stores in my part of South Texas. I wandered in … awed by all the beautiful guitars and made my way back to the acoustic guitar room … thankful that I had in my pocket 3 options that I wanted to look at and compare. I was careful to wear no keys or zippers or dangling scratchy things … thanks to my new You Tuber guitar people making this recommendation (in order not to be banned from handling guitars) … lol. I had that room to myself to look at the guitars so I got this exact model to sit with and try out and it sounded great … was much smaller than the pawn shop guitar I bombed out with 10 years ago and I really liked the price point and the included case. Next, I went and stood in front of the tuners … having no clue which one to get but knowing I didn’t want to depend upon an app on my phone … I really wanted a clip on. A very young man (store employee - goodness are they hiring pre-teens? lol) came along and helped me with the choice of a tuner and some picks (I can’t find my collection of guitar picks but I think they are with some jewelry I have temporarily misplaced … I collected picks from a very young age … I know they are not lost but misplaced.) Anyway, he said “is there anything else” and I handed him my little index card and said that if they had this guitar in stock I’d like one please. Soon, I was paid up and on my way … but I have to be honest, I really didn’t want to leave that store and I found myself back in there on Monday purchasing a black strap for the guitar just so I won’t accidently drop it to the floor. And I looked at all the books which included all kinds of how to books for various instruments. I also looked at the Ukelele’s. Found out they have 4 strings vs 6 … would not want to confuse myself yet …lol.

So, my guitar journey is just beginning … everyday I take it out and work on something from Lauren Bateman’s channel. It’s just like therapy because it’s positive and takes me away from doom scrolling and other things. I can only do a little bit at a time because of my trigger finger (which is much improved + I’ve also found I can use a pick just fine) …. I’m told that is how it should be —- 5 to 15 minute practice sessions at first. During the week, I discovered that one of my local friends is wild about guitar playing and has 2 instruments …. I am excited because this person may get back into it after a long absence … and then I’ll have someone to practice with -maybe!!!!!

My right index finger is much better after a month of left hand writing + resting it and splinting it. I’m still primarily writing with my left hand except for addressing the envelopes on letters. It has been slow going but I have seen that my left handing writing is not quite as difficult after a month! I am looking forward to inking 8 fountain pens for November … and meanwhile I’ve been writing pens dry with my left hand especially: Majohn P139, Lamy 2000, TWSBI Draco, and even my Pelikan M800 …. one day I had 4 pens to clean in one day!!!! So, only my Levenger pen case is full right now … my Galen Tray is ready for November which is coming up fast.

The principle occupier of my energy and time this past week has been delving into my Mom’s changing Medicare situation. Her retirement plan (in the past) usually chose the Medicare Advantage plan and Part D drug plan and we only had to be concerned with learning the specifics of each years plan, getting the card copied for my records and making sure she was carrying all the right cards for the upcoming year. Not so this year. They are changing to a Health Reimbursement Arrangement. (HRA) And I (as her guardian) need to choose a Medicare Supplement plan and a Part D drug plan — keeping the costs as close to the reimbursement allowed as I can (because she’s on a small budget). Thankfully the University has provided a company that will assist with this in fact we HAVE to go thru them or she will lose her benefit. I spent one morning setting up all the online account, uploading the guardianship, her doctors/RXs, and profile … and I have now made an appointment for next week for a phone consult. I believe I’ve chosen the best supplement plan and drug plan but I was disappointed there were no Advantage plans listed (I’m more familiar with those — and although there are flaws — it’s the scheme I know). Maybe the representative will know of more options than I was able to see listed? It feels a bit heavy. This is so important. I briefed Mom on it and she was completely lost at first. I had to make an analogy. Because she was telling me, “I’m losing my good health insurance then”…. I told her she was not losing it … she was sort of being put on an allowance with freedom of how to spend it … but she must spend it thru this specific company and on one of the listed plans … not sure if my analogy was brilliant but I said ——- “Mom it’s like if your parents were rich and they had been paying your rent, electricity and water for you … you never had to see the bills even for the electricity and water … you just had to use it … but then one day your parents called you up and said ‘hey ….from now on you just get your electric and water …use any company you want from this list and pay the bill every month … then as soon as you pay it we will reimburse you UP TO a limit of: $$$/XYZ dollars. ‘ She said …. “oh I get it” and I pray I explained it good enough. We agreed on a limit for her to go out of her pocket toward the plan(s) and I explained the one I was leaning toward has low out of pocket …. $0 …. deductibles etc …. but that if there is something I don’t fully understand the representative should be able to steer me well … if I still am unsure I’ll abort and reschedule a new appt for after I get to research and discuss it with Mom again. Whew. It felt almost criminal having to explain that to her but chances are they will insist on dialing her in at some point even with the guardianship (I hope NOT but this is the way I normally end up experiencing things) … ! The guardianship is for general and medical. I only help Mom with financial things as her daughter not as a guardian. She has a good grasp on her banking and her writes her checks. So, wish me luck with all that because it makes he hella nervous. My own medical care is related to my spouses military retirement and even though I complain at times … there’s no “shopping” for plans. I’m obligated to see doctors at the local military installation, period, they manage my care - when I venture out there that is - I really don’t like to go. It’s great and terrible at the same time. Low cost to me but feels restricted + was more appropriate when I was a young active duty person.

The last subject I have had on my mind is water. Our city is running out of water in our water shed (South Texas is my region). We are just very close to the very highest water restrictions. I’m super concerned with what is next for us and many neighboring communities. The desalination projects have flopped and not gone anywhere … lots of money wasted … no action/results. There are a few things in the works and I need to do some MORE research because we’ll be voting next week on some proposals and heaven knows we need water and quick. So, that’s urgent research I need to do as well. My instinct is vote YES on anything that is going to give us water in the near and far future. I do not wish to have our community dry up and become uninhabitable. Perhaps I am being dramatic or over concerned but … lack of rain (in the right places) and a super divided chamber of commerce strife seems very worrisome. On a side note: my home state of Vermont is in a pretty severe drought too and it is adversely + directly affecting one of my loved ones daily.

I’ve continued writing pen pal letters, journaling and especially bullet journaling (set up a collection of pages for Mom’s new HRA info) but I arrived at Saturday - “today” - No Kings Day - in a state of overload and need to retreat. It’s HOT outside. I’ve done some cooking, sewing, and one SPECIAL mission + now I am thinking I want to watch a Disney movie and just relax. I’ll be thinking about my November inks and fountain pens … as I really think November will be a more normal month for me hobby wise … I may even be able to write some with my right hand if my index finger stays well. Thank you to all my You Tube subscribers for being patient with me on the low content right now. I really WANT to get in front of the camera but my energy is fully retreat and recharge this weekend. I know I’ll be eager by next week to pick up and continue with some of my ongoing video ideas (between guardian duties). I hope you’re doing well too and staying safe and brave this pivotal day and time in general!!!! Thank you for reading and tell me, do you recall that first time you picked up a new hobby and how you felt wandering into a foreign land like I felt walking into that guitar store? I was sure grateful for the great You Tubers and for the young people working in that store who were willing to help a gray haired lady looking to buy a guitar!!!!! See you all soon and let me know how it’s going for you in the comments if you’d like. I’ll be back on You Tube SOON. ~Chris~

At the time, I was very surprised when I started getting subscribers … quickly reaching 100 which was a big deal to me at the time! I had so much fun answering comments and reading about other people’s fountain pen organizing ideas in the comment section of that video. I had been “into” fountain pens for about a year at the time … and I didn’t know anyone in person who wrote with fountain pens. When I was a teenager, I wrote with a Sheaffer school fountain pen just like my Mom’s — she had the most gorgeous hand writing which I really hoped to be able to do.

It took me about a year to get 1,000 subscribers and meet the criteria for monetization. I was into doing ink reviews from samples and doing #30inks30days challenges (from Ink Journal) in the early days.

Now, we have over 9,000 subscribers and over 800 videos! Today I’m just taking some time to look back and to feel the gratitude for everything being a “You Tuber” has meant to me.

It’s hard to fully express what having a fountain pen You Tube channel has meant to me over the past 8 years! I think maybe a list of sorts will help focus my thoughts. So, here are my top 10 reasons that I love creating Fountain Pen videos!

1. Being on You Tube connects me with other like minded fountain pen enthusiasts and this is such a blessing because I don’t live near a pen store OR a pen show … and my travel $ is always reserved for visiting my family back home in Vermont.

2. I get a wonderful sense of contributing and helping people by doing content about fountain pens and other hobby related things — especially when I happen to have a chance to cover something unique … but even doing a routine review I can bring my perspective to the review which won’t be exactly the same as someone else’s.

3. My husband and I live a completely retired lifestyle and so I miss community like I used to have when I was working outside my home in the past … You Tube actually gives me a really nice sense of purpose and community and I don’t feel isolated like I did when I first left the traditional Monday-Friday work routine.

4. The ad revenue helps me have pen allowance money. It’s not much and it varies from month to month … but I do value having some “extra” money to put into the hobby.

5. Planning and creating videos gives me a lot of joy! Often I’m inspired by a simple question someone asks in the comment section.

6. It’s flexible and free … goodness, sometimes it’s really hard to believe that the platform is free to use … I have a lot of gratitude about that. I use only my cell phone (camera) to shoot and upload videos. Other than a few purchases (phone holder/bracket, light and things like that) I use what I have and there was no huge investment.

7. I learn so much! It never fails that I learn new things every time I make a video … mostly from people who take the time to comment on the video and add their experience and knowledge. That makes the hobby even more fun.

8. I find a lot of motivation to write and explore my pens, inks and paper even more because I make videos. For instance, I always experiment with each inked pen and give the combination a grade for my monthly Progress Report, and honestly, even if I didn’t make videos - I think I’d still do this because it really makes me mindful of why certain inks and nibs make good combinations! And, I find better and better combinations to write with that enhance the joy of the writing I already love to do.

I have always encouraged people to start a You Tube channel if they have the desire to do so. Some of the best channels are small and unique … and too many to even name but I do try to keep adding to my list of recommended channels … you can find those under “Featured Channels” on the home page of my channel.

As I’m writing this I realize I have some suggestions for anyone who might be thinking about starting a fountain pen You Tube channel and I believe I’ll “list” those here just in case it helps someone:

1. Be yourself. It’s really really valuable when we bring our authentic self to any creative venture … the fountain pen community is rich with creative and unique people so if you’re going to do this - just be your real self!!! You’ll connect with “your” people!!!!!

2. Give some thought to whether you want to get involved with sponsorships and collaborations with companies. In the past I did some of this but I only operate independently … and I feel less pressure knowing I can cover any item I want to when I want to (no dictated time table or items) … it just works best. There is nothing wrong with accepting pens and inks to review — please don’t think I’m against that — it’s just not for me (working with companies) and you CAN just decide to be independent from that and still really enjoy the process.

3. Don’t think you need a whole bunch of equipment … most modern smart phones have great cameras and you can deal with lighting creatively too! My microphone was only $15. It doesn’t have to be a major expense to get started.

4. Make sure you read the community guidelines for You Tube so that you don’t break the rules or conduct iffy giveaways. The rules seem overwhelming at first but reading thru it all little by little - then keeping up as changes come (they will email you updates) is all it really takes.

5. Whatever you do … don’t wait until you can create a perfect video … the best videos really happen after you’ve had a bit of practice … perfectionism and/or “waiting” are perhaps the biggest barriers to creativity that I’ve found.

6. Not everyone will agree with your opinions. That’s okay. It can be helpful to explain why you have your opinion … especially if you know you have a particular bias … that way people can understand. But, always keep in mind (especially when reading comments) that it’s okay for others to disagree and it’s okay for you to have your opinion. It’s harder to argue over the length of a pen but easy to get into a squabble for instance about what is “expensive” lol … so I always try to remember to define my personal idea of what is expensive because that helps viewers know where I’m coming from $ wise.

7. There are excellent videos on “how to” do just about anything you need to do video wise. But I benefit the most from watching other people’s videos OUTSIDE the fountain pen niche and thinking about what it is that I like and don’t like about their channel and their way of presenting things. (including sound, lighting, speed of speech, you name it!) I also love to watch other fountain pen channels but this can be complicated … for instance I avoid others reviews of things I’ve yet to review and plan to. Often when I review something I’ve only seen 1 or 2 videos (prior to me purchasing the item) and I like it best when I’ve not seen any before making my own.

8. There are free apps I’ve really enjoyed using like Thumbnail Maker and Inshot (video editor app). These tools can make things easier …. there are likely many more I have yet to discover.

After 8 years of creating videos, I’m grateful I still enjoy it and that the You Tube platform is still going strong! I’m BEYOND grateful for everyone who watches and contributes likes, subscribes, comments and all those pen friends who have sent ink samples and many other amazing things over the past 8 years. I think of my channel now as “viewer sponsored”. Thank you so much! You mean so much to me!

Here’s a link to my channel in case you have yet to visit and are interested:

Chris' You Tube Channel

First, here is the exact question I received from ttownreader: “I heard you mention you keep your pens in pen cases, can you do a video about these sometime, I’m really struggling with making sure I pick the right storage. I saw one video where the Pentuber said the material in the case discolored her pens.”

So, first I must say that I have not experienced any discoloration or damage with any of my pens thus far but that could just be due to good luck or the very specific pens I house in particular cases. I did some research to see what I could find about other people’s experience and I did learn some good info about potentially harmful materials so I will mention what I learned a little later here. We’ll look at the cases, boxes and sleeves I do use for my fountain pens and I’ll tell you my reasoning behind how I go about storing them and then we’ll revisit the cautionary info I found about certain types of leather, plastics and rubber/elastic. This will be more important to you if you have vintage fountain pens I think but I even saw a yellow Lamy Safari that was damaged by a pen case … so I think it’s good we pay closer attention to the issue. At least I know I will going forward!

I use 3 types of pen “storage”: zipper storage cases for my un-inked pens, trays on my desks for inked fountain pens and cases to take fountain pens with me both outside the house and room to room.

For pens that are not currently inked I use zippered pen cases that range from 10 pen capacity all the way up to 40 pen cases. I have a mix of leather, fabric, and even vinyl zip cases. Here is a picture of my pen cases. These cases have a combined capacity of 284 pens but not all of them are full. For instance I think I only have 2 pens in the 40 pen case Galen Leather one right now.

From left to right: 2 Monteverde 36 pen cases vinyl and velour materials (one is still in great shape, the other several elastics broke and repair was only partially successful … , (top/horizontal) Girologio 12 pen case in Oxblood, 2 Hub Pen Company 24 pen cases (originally used for ball point pen salesmen and I found these on e-bay) they have only one elastic per pen and work best for lightweight or average size pens - I like them though + I have no idea the material appears to be vinyl and felt/elastic inside, Ashton 10 pen case leather, Kaco 10 pen vegan pen case purchased on Amazon - has wide elastics which I love, 2 Galen Leather Crazy Horse 10 pen cases, 1 Galen Leather 40-pen case in Crazy Horse Leather, 1 Galen Leather 24 pen case in Crazy Horse but I used a boot cleaner on this one and it darkened up beautifully, then 2 Kaco 24 pen cases which open up horizontally. I have somewhat organized by pen brand or type … for instance the student pens are all in a Monteverde 36 pen case. All my TWSBI Ecos are in the 24 pen Galen Leather case. It helps my brain. I enjoy this type of shelf storage being right next to my work area easily accessible.

The next category of pen holders I use are “Trays” … because I love to SEE my inked pens all right next to me on my writing desk for daily letter writing. I have homemade trays made from the top and bottom of cigar boxes + liners from Penn State Industries (I use these to compare pens during reviews), a Galen Leather Stack and Store Wood Pen Display Box which holds 11 fountain pens and sits on my primary pen desk/table, and a box from NFP Design which holds 11 pens and typically sits on my library room desk for when I write there. The NFP Design is a beautiful wooden box but it came with powerful magnets that keep it closed and NO finger holds … I don’t know if it’s because I’m not that strong or what but I couldn’t open it until I put on knobs (typically used for piano covers) top and bottom in front of the box so I can hold down on one knob and pull up on the other to open it. I know the retailer would have taken it back had I returned it but the box is so gorgeous I kept it despite having to deface it with knobs. Not sure if that was the “thing” to do. All the marketing of the boxes show finger indentations so I’m not sure what went wrong there.

[NOTE: I was just gifted a new pen box that holds 40 fountain pens and I am eager to share that with you in a separate video/article … I will use the top spaces for currently inked pens and store 30 pens in the 3 lower drawers … I’m super excited about that!]

Here’s a picture of the trays I currently use Top = NFP Designs 11 pen box modified by me with knobs to allow me to open it, and bottom Galen Leather Stack and Store Wood Pen Display Box and lid:

The final category of pen cases I enjoy using are smaller … generally they hold from 1 pen to 11 or so just depending on how I configure things. I have some favorites mainly my Levenger Bomber Jacket Omnipurpose Pen Case, all things from Rickshaw Bagworks including: single pen sleeves, coozy cases, pen roll, & the Sinclair R. The Rickshaw Fillmore case is still on my wishlist = especially the Japanese great wave design! I recently purchased a special item from Rickshaw to commemorate 8 years of making You Tube videos and I’ll be talking about that soon … it’s put away for the special day (Sept. 7, 2025).

Here is a picture of some of my favorite pen cases I use for journaling around the house and especially for taking my pens when I accompany people to appointments, go to counseling and when I travel or have a day trip:

From bottom left to top then down/right: Rickshaw Coozy Case and Coozy in yellow Inktopus, Rickshaw Sinclair R in Orange, Levenger Bomber Jacket 7 pen case with center zipper compartment, Galen Leather single Kaweco pen case in purple, Rickshaw 8 pen coozy roll in blue Inktopus, and 3 single Rickshaw pen sleeves in assorted colors. These are my very favorite, most used cases.

One of the things I want to mention here is that I have 3 cats. My fountain pens can’t be left completely exposed at all because the curiosity and dexterity of the cats is not to be under-estimated. Coco once managed to break a really nice glass nib pen … I think it was just irresistible to him as a “shiny toy”. So, I do take my pen storage seriously and the cats provide a very good excuse for it.

Now, I want to address the things I learned in researching about possible damage that fountain pens could sustain from certain materials. You’ll want to do your own research and also think about what kind of pens you’re storing. None of my pens has sustained any damage in the cases I’ve talked about and shown here but that isn’t a guarantee that the types of cases I have are safe. I leave my zippered cases (on the bookshelf) almost always unzipped … and air can circulate some at least … plus I’m in and out of those cases on a daily basis.

What I learned is that we should avoid: chrome-tanned leather, soft PVC, and certain types of leather. Apparently those materials contain chemicals which can tarnish metal trim and react with vintage materials such as celluloid and ebonite. I’m by no means an expert. In fact, I was quite surprised by some of the warnings I read online and on Reddit. I learned we should choose vegetable-tanned leather, avoid putting pens in plastic bags or containers and make sure they are well ventilated and not always sealed if our pens are in plastic. Probably the most concerning was reading that rubber and elastic bands can discolor celluloid pens. Also, we should choose pen cases with loops that are fabric wrapped or sized not to put excess pressure on the pens. The kinds of fabric that are noted to be safest are: velvet, wool felt, + pre-washed cotton. Contained in my google search was the recommendation that fountain pens are safer in vegetable tanned leather, high quality fabric, wood, and that soft fabric liners are helpful.

Honestly, I am just getting started with fully understanding the subject of what is safest for special pens. I’m grateful for the viewer question because I had not given a lot of thought to it other than my family heirloom 1930s Sheaffer fountain pen + pencil which I keep carefully stored. I will be spending more time looking into what the cases I’m using are made of and maybe some pens will rotate to new storage after. Like I said, so far I’ve had no damage from any leather, elastic or other materials … but I could have just been very lucky. I’d love to hear from you in the comments … do you have favorite pen cases? … have you ever had any pens damaged?

Special NOTE: I am making this into a 3 part series on You Tube … the first part has already been released (on zipper pen cases) and two more videos are coming soon. If you’d like to visit my channel it’s here: Chris' You Tube Channel

There have been some adventures along the way and I plan to continue indefinitely so I thought I’d mention some of the things that I’ve encountered while adopting this system!

First, all the products needed were/are very easy to locate locally (South Texas) - the 3 mouth rinses, the specific toothpaste, the toothbrushes Dr. Ellie recommends and even the Zellie’s dental mints are available at local stores in my city. Everything except the mints and the tooth brushes are available in my regular grocery store (HEB). The brushes I found at Natural Grocers and the mints at the larger HEB Plus supermarket. So, that is very convenient!

Three accessories that I added to my routine made things much easier for me: a small digital timer, a tin for carrying my mints around, and some little mini (reusable/washable) Solo cups for the rinses. (I wash them after each use and reuse them until the cup comes apart) . I like using a timer for the 1 and 2 minute timing I need to do because it’s just so much easier than looking at a second hand on the clock and trying to remember the start or waiting for the hand to reach 12 again.

I still use intermittent fasting daily to manage my metabolic health and so it took me awhile to get into a set schedule with the dental mints. It has worked out brilliantly to do my twice daily rinse/brush routine at 7 am and again at 7 pm. For the Xylitol intake I’m at 6 grams per day taken at 3 different times: 4 mints after my coffee, 4 after my main meal and 4 after my final snack/nutrition intake. I try to keep my window of intake (including Xylitol mints but excluding my black coffee) to less than 5 hours. Approximately 10 am (first Xylitol dose after coffee) to 3 pm (final Xylitol after my snack ~ final intake of calories) each day.

Everything has been very easy to integrate into my schedule … there was one issue that seemed like a big challenge at first but is now very easy. Dr. Ellie recommends not sipping on water all day long … she explains that this habit washes away the good saliva and healthy bacteria … which kind of makes sense. So, I set out to figure out my hydration schedule in a more consolidated way … what I do now (and I really like this) is I get up and drink at least a full 16 ounces of water … slowly but before 7 am when I do my first rinse/brush session. I get up and open my bullet journal, slowly hydrate myself and then right around 7 am is my first rinse/brush. Dr. Ellie recommends at least 1 to 2 hour mouth resting (vs the constant sipping of beverages) so around 9:30 am I have my coffee and some more water … then I have my first 2 grams of Xylitol. I typically begin my eating window around 11 am to 12 noon but the first dose of Xylitol (dental mints) “open” my official window. After my “break fast” meal + hydration I have my 2nd dose of Xylitol and then mouth resting again. My final Xylitol I have right after my snack in the afternoon which closes out my eating window and I begin fasting. (somewhere around 3 pm I’m ready to fast). About 6:30 pm before my evening dental routine … I hydrate again slowly leading up to 7 pm. It all may sound complicated but it’s so easy and is working out great for me. I keep careful watch of my water intake and I get a minimum of 4 - 16 ounce waters plus my 9 ounce coffee each day. Yes, there will be days when I’m not at home … I typically carry the mints with me and a cooler with water … and often a very busy day on the go will turn into an OMAD for me anyway (one meal a day) and that doesn’t throw anything off since the meal can be somewhere between 11 am and 3 pm … pretty doable so far.

The one exception to mouth resting that I make is that if I wake up at 3 am and I’m thirsty, I go ahead and drink some water. Also, I don’t take Xylitol during my fasting period. It is low glycemic but I do believe there is an insulin response and at all costs I do not want to cause too much insulin or too high blood sugar. I plan to do some testing and more study on this … but I’m someone who only has water and/or black coffee during my fasting period. It has worked to keep my metabolic health where I need it to be so far (over the past 7 years).

Probably the biggest challenge I have had is with trying to use the Listerine Original (the amber colored one) … I seem able to use it in the evening but in the morning it’s a no go. [it rather feels as if it is ripping my tongue out of my head and it just seems to harsh in the morning] … Dr. Ellie mentioned that the original one works best on built up plaque and so I have wanted to adjust to it. I’ve found I can manage it in the evening and I don’t know why. So, I use the Original/amber colored one at 7 pm and the Cool Mint Listerine at 7 am. I feel good about that right now as no doubt the biggest “cleaning” job is 7 pm … my mouth seems super clean still at 7 am … and I look forward to the routine. It is possible that in time I can adjust to using the Original/amber colored one for both sessions. I’d like to because it may clean up the rest of my areas of concern in terms of build up. It just seems to be that my tongue in the morning can NOT stand that Original rinse for more than a few seconds. Maybe in time that will change.

I have not yet tried using the Xylitol granules to rinse/swish vs the mints … but I purchased some with the thought of trying it. The mints are pricey … by using 12 mints per day I get only 20 days from a bottle of 250 mints. (approx. cost is $15 per bottle/$22.50 per month or 75 cents per day at the 12 mints per day rate) So, I will benefit from adjusting to using the Xylitol birch based granules at home and just relying on the mints for being on the go I think. Granted, the mints are very convenient. And, I have not done the math yet on the bag of Xylitol and how many rinses I can get from that. Probably easier to just make room in my budget for the mints.

This week I’ll take another picture of my teeth so I can compare the first one with the 1 month picture. Other people I have followed seem to have the most dramatic noticeable results after 3 months, 6 months and 1 year. So, this is definitely a long term - lifestyle change not a temporary fix. I’m very grateful that I’m adjusted to it and that it seems so easy and fits into my fasting routine very well. All blood sugar testing I’ve done so far shows I’m still right on track with my blood sugar levels and my last A1C test was normal.

Probably my biggest question to myself now is: when do I schedule my dental check up for? I’ve not answered that yet … I’m not having ANY issues and I’d like to work this system for a minimum of 3 months before doing that. Longer would probably be even better. But, I reserve the right to change my mind as I see fit.

I guess maybe this all seems quite strange except that I know that before starting this routine I had sore sensitive gums (could only use Sensitive toothpaste which according to Dr. Ellie adds to the problem), concerns about too much plaque building up, a sore tongue (sorry TMI but true) and my mouth just wasn’t a happy place even with plenty of brushing and flossing. Now, I’m seeing cleaner teeth — not even flossing at all - and my entire mouth is comfortable and problem free. I hope and believe that this system is strengthening/re-mineralizing my teeth and will continue to keep my gums super healthy. I will check in again in a couple of months - likely when I reach the 3 month milestone. If you’ve tried Dr. Ellie’s system I’d love to hear about it in the comments!!!!

I was convinced prior to purchasing that I’d be happy with the pen. So the only thing left was to make sure I could afford it and that I wasn’t being impulsive. The choice passed my test and I ordered from Amazon because Manuel wanted me to order some specialized tape and it saved us on shipping. The pen arrived in just a few days!

I debated briefly whether to get an orange pen or the white marble looking one … the white pen would be more neutral as far as ink goes but honestly, I knew I’d be disappointed if I didn’t get an orange one because I just love the black, gold and orange colorway … it is truly stunning. Not that the white P139 has completely left my mind … but I thought if I only could have one or the other I’d rather have an orange one. Immediately upon receipt of the pen, I opened it to see if it looks as stunning in person as it does online and - in my opinion - yes, it does! Next, was the question of what to ink it with. I have had a lot of success using Waterman Serenity Blue for new pen testing recently so I opted for that. Now, in the past I’ve not had perfect luck with the #8 nibs on the Jinhao 9019s so I held my breath a little bit and started writing … and WOW … my pen writes smooth and flows like a broad nib! (It’s a Medium). What a joy! I have another orange pen I favor for orange ink (TWSBI Eco transparent orange - B) so I’m already thinking of next ink ups for this pen … and right off I think I will be choosing brown inks! Although any color will work … lol.

Now, I don’t judge a pen by how expensive it looks … but I will say … this pen looks like one of those grail, super expensive pens I most likely wouldn’t buy even if I had the money because I’m too … cheap? … nervous? … something … I don’t know. But, I don’t mind owning a pen that looks expensive but price wise is in my mid-range for a nice fountain pen.

Goodness, this makes me wish that my Jinhao X159 and the Jinhao 9019s I own had this exact nib. Those other pens I have worked on and I can write with them but they seem to have this slight need for pressure or else it can interrupt the ink flow just enough to drive me nuts. I know many people get along great with them and so I get it that this is just something that I don’t like. I’m very glad this pen doesn’t feel like those other #8 nibs. Maybe one day I will find out how to get like 5 of these nibs (nibs only) and swap them onto those pens. With certain inks I have slightly better luck but almost every time I ink those other pens I get frustrated. Not that I’ll give up on them … in this hobby I’ve learned that solutions are sometimes waiting down the road a little ways so I keep looking!

I can’t speak at all about the durability or longevity of this pen, but I can say that I am very happy with how beautiful it is, how smooth it writes and I personally find it comfortable in the hand. The little lip at the end of the section next to the nib is perfect for me because I’m the kind of writer who ends up with my fingers on the feed at times and this seems to be a nice feature to keep me from doing that! The section is girthy (approx. 12 to 13 mm), which I like! The ink window is nice! There is no wrench tool provided - but I’m sure I’ll find out eventually where to get one - what size is needed for longer term maintenance. Gosh I just can’t think of anything negative about this pen except that I know I will continue to think about the white one … lol. This is a hazard of any collector … if one is great maybe two will be awesome. But, this year with my low buy intentions it’s really exciting to have this one!

The pen came in a cardboard box … minimal packaging … mostly recyclable. I think what I love best about the pen is the smooth Medium nib that seems to write like a typical Broad nib at least with the Waterman ink. I always ask myself after I’ve written with a pen a few days: would I still purchase this now - knowing what I now know? The answer is a definite yes on this pen! I am very glad I decided to get one! This pen will go into my September Chris’ Inked Pens and I may clean it and change the ink for September, but I will definitely include it in my September Progress Report and experiments. I have heard from more than one pen pal that this pen is amazing … I kept collecting thoughts about it in the back of my mind and then finally when the opportunity presented - I ordered one. Hopefully, it will continue to be a great writer for many years to come … I’ll certainly follow up from time to time over on my You Tube channel where I share my monthly currently inked pens and inks and lots of hobby related content. Thank you for reading! Do you have one of these? Did the quality impress you as well?

Oh one last thought … I really love my Moonman/Majohn P136 piston filler as well … that pen was a gift from a pen friend over a year ago and it is such a smooth writer right out of the package! I wonder if this P series means Pro grade or what. That’s 3 Moonman/Majohn pens now that really impress me: Moonman Mini Wancia, Moonman P136 and now Moonman/Majohn P139. I’m sure there are many more I have not even thought of purchasing … as I often go out of my way to avoid temptations (another reason I moved new pen day content over here to Substack) … but as long as I avoid impulsive purchases and stay within the careful budget we’ve set up … it’s all good!!!!! See you next time!!!! ~Chris~

When I got home, I opened the box and found all these beautifully wrapped treasures (plus one more Stroopwafel Mini which I gave to Manuel). Clearly, this was like Christmas, my birthday AND a pen friend gift all in one with many surprises. Which should I open first, I asked myself. Well, being the pen person that I am, I know a pen box when I see one so I went directly for opening the pen 1st. All along delighting in the packages that clearly felt like they contained ink too. But it was my intense curiosity over what the pen could possible be (I feel here lately like I have every pen I could possibly want or reasonably obtain) that made me open that first. And here is a picture of the pen — but I can’t include my gleeful unbelievable exclaiming and intense excitement in this blog post because I didn’t film an unboxing. But in the pen box was “the one that got away” … a TWSBI Draco that came out in March of 2021 and I over analyzed myself out of getting one due to finances at the time AND questions to myself about the need for buying another pen … the pen looked so lovely (even though it was not a demonstrator) and after awhile there were none available with a Broad or Medium nib so I realized I blew my chances at this limited edition (3,000) fountain pen. I was reminded of it though every time pen friend Jason (WaskiSquirrel) has his Draco in rotation on Pens In Use.

I can’t seem to photograph this pen in a way that really captures it’s beauty. And the very first thing I realized when I held it in my hand was that it is weighty and feels very nice … akin to how my Pelikan 800 feels in my hand. I had mistakenly thought these pens would be quite light weight like many acrylic pens are. Pen friend LV let me know that Annabelle from Appelboom tuned the nib for me to be a wet writer and it has a Medium juicy nib. The first ink that I put into the pen was Sailor Jentle Grenade - a favorite deep red/burgundy ink of mine. And indeed, it writes so smooth and juicy I’m super over the moon about how it writes and looks! I’m still taking the pen out of the Rickshaw sleeve to look at it often and I’m just still in some short of pen shock that I now have a TWSBI Draco. Thank you so much pen friend LV. I had believed that the only way I’d ever own a Draco would be if I was one day able to purchase one used and I’ve not seen them come up on e-bay.

The nib on the Draco is like the nibs on TWSBI’s Diamond 580s! It rather stuns me that I didn’t make some sort of way to order one back when they were released. The only thing I can think of is that I didn’t go with my initial instinct which was to sell something or consult Manuel and shuffle finances a bit … anything to get one. Instead I did overanalyze and talked myself out of a pen that is actually perfect for me color wise and everything. I had also assumed the weight would be much lighter. It weighs 31.6 grams with ink in it.

Over the 8 years I’ve had my You Tube channel and 9 years total in the fountain pen hobby I’ve been blessed by generosity from pen friends that is just stunning (I can think of no better word) … like this pen and the inks and notebooks pen friend LV sent. I never get used to it. I am always stunned and touched and well … blown away.

Let me share a picture of the rest of the stationery items … I will be swatching the inks and sharing them on my You Tube channel in my Chris’ Inked Pens and Progress Reports and also we will be looking at the inks by brand in mini series as well.

The words “thank you” seem quite inadequate for some reason but thank you so much to Pen Friend LV and viewers of my fountain pen channel will be seeing these items in use … I’m very eager to highlight the inks in mini studies like I did with the Hongdian inks recently. I think I like the idea of any unboxing type content being over here on my Substack! Anyone wanting to avoid large temptations may not want to watch unboxing videos but in order to still be able to “talk about” and acknowledge what’s coming into my pen world whether I purchase it or it’s gifted to me … I do really like the idea of pictures and a written article/essay. What do you think? If only I could go back and handle other previous pen friend treasures with this type of post.

My next post will be something I purchased for myself with channel ad money and I just have hesitated to make a video about it for some reason. It was/is intended to be my “reward to self” for 8 years of making You Tube videos (which we will celebrate Sept 7, 2025). And, I will give you 2 hints: it’s not a pen AND it’s made by Rickshaw Bags. See you soon with that excitement! Deep thank you to pen friend LV and all pen friends who have commented, subscribed, liked, shared, and written to me over the past 9 years! This fountain pen hobby, especially the community of pen people, gives me rich and powerful reasons to be happy, grateful and productive even during troubling times!

Link to my You Tube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@ChrisSaenz13

The incident with Dad and his awful experience — which did end okay — but not before he had to go to a specialist for expensive, painful, corrective surgery …. never fully left me and perhaps I carried it somewhat as a generational trauma. As an adult I learned that the trouble was that the dentist wasn’t aware that Dad’s tooth was impacted - roots wrapped around his jaw. Gosh just typing that makes me ill.

I entered adulthood knowing to always make sure before any tooth was pulled that X-rays were taken. Most of my dental experiences in my almost 62 year life were while I served in the Air Force. Nothing was voluntary. I had all 4 wisdom teeth out at once … one had dry socket … when my son was 2 years old. I struggled with fear of the dentist even though admittedly, I had the same friendly dental tech the whole time and other than those wisdom teeth I didn’t go thru anything more than cleanings. I came into the military with 2 tiny side fillings one on each side of my lower molar teeth. Silver looking fillings that are still there and still look good.

I think my fear of the dentist always caused me to do my very best to brush and floss and avoid problems as much as possible. I didn’t continue to see a dentist regularly after 1991. My visits were sporadic and it’s only dumb luck that I found a gentle private practice dentist to see the times when I did need a good cleaning. I believe he’s about a decade younger than me and I know he’s still in practice nearby because I checked recently but I have not been in …. too long.

After getting caught up on other medical checkups and having a test to see if my heart is okay recently, (it is okay) … I began to realize that my teeth are my only neglected physical aspect left. So, I looked at them in better light and I saw that plaque had built up on my lower front teeth … and I started realizing I was going to have to go to the dentist. I spent a few days beating myself up for only looking at my teeth in the not so well lit bathroom until now … but then I vaguely remembered someone …. I wish I could remember who … mentioning to me a dentist that says you don’t need to go to the dentist for cleanings … something like that. As unlikely as that sounded I got myself busy finding this dentist on You Tube and since I remembered her first name it didn’t take me very long. Dr. Ellie Phillips. She lives in Austin, Texas. She is in her 70s I believe and she has videos, books, a course you name it. So, I started watching her videos. I took notes. I visited her website. I realized that everything she recommends is easily available (here in the US) … certainly not fringe stuff … 3 mouth rinses, a very basic Crest toothpaste, specific tooth brushes and some dental mints (which I never knew existed).

Knowing what I remember about the cost of visiting my dentist the last time I went for x-rays and a cleaning … I was totally willing to try her method if it would do even 20% of what she enthusiastically said it would do. So, off we went to HEB (grocery) and Walmart to find the mouth rinses, toothpaste etc. We did have to drive to the biggest HEB to find the Zellie’s dental mints and I found the Dr. Plotka’s toothbrushes in the Natural Grocer for $5.05 each … cheaper than supermarket toothbrushes.

On July 30th I started wholeheartedly with Dr. Ellie’s plan …. following it to the letter precisely — having listened to enough of her videos to get a very good grasp of the need to follow it carefully. I learned about new things like: mouth resting, Xylitol, gum massage, plaque being an infection, all about fluoride, how to clean your toothbrush, using an AM and a PM toothbrush (who knew), and so much demystification was happening to me in terms of how I ought to be taking care of my teeth and my mouth … and why.

I lined up the mouth rinses and numbered everything … this is the point where Manuel started asking some questions. LOL Manuel is my husband. And also the point where I had to rearrange a shelf to accommodate everything. I set up an alarm for my evening cleaning session on my phone and we already have a morning talking clock alarm I planned to go by for the morning one.

I’m not going to outline her plan here … because you can go to her website and/or You Tube channel to find it if you’re interested … but I am going to tell you what almost 2 weeks on this plan has already done for my teeth and my mouth + my spirits. Here is a link to Dr. Ellie’s website so you can check out her system if it interests you:

https://drellie.com/about-2/

Okay, so the first shock came at the 3 day point. I could tell my whole mouth was feeling BETTER THAN EVER but I wanted to “look” and see if I could notice any changes. LOL Kind of soon to look for changes but … low and behold … I thought I had significantly less plaque. That couldn’t be I told myself and I decided I better take some pictures. Before pictures if you will. The only way I’d be able to compare would be if I took periodic pictures and then compared them side by side. It’s not easy getting pictures of your lower inside back of your teeth but I managed … although I’m still looking for a better technique. After another week, I took another set of pictures and this time it was absolutely clear to me that the build up on my lower inner front teeth was noticeably less. This has always been my challenge area. I also noticed at the full one week point that my gums are just looking so great … pinker … I am amazed and can’t wait for each Wednesday to arrive so that I can take new pictures and compare them. Maybe I will eventually start doing monthly pictures but for right now I’m sticking with weekly. I’m just a day away from the full 2 week point and my mouth, gums, teeth and tongue (I know … ewww) have NEVER felt cleaner or better! My other fantastic outcome at one week was that my sensitivity is GONE … I had such bad sensitivity to cold especially that I had been using special sensitive toothpaste for a very long time. It’s gone now!

Meanwhile, the program (which takes a mere 5 minutes twice a day) is very easy and quick for me … and I’ve been able to drop the dreaded flossing. That was hard psychologically at first … but I did hear Dr. Ellie say that if you absolutely must floss then do so after the tooth brushing step before rinsing with Listerine. So, a couple of times I did floss a couple of teeth carefully but with the exception of one time, I wasn’t finding anything to clean off. So, I’m more than happy to ditch the floss unless something is clearly stuck between my teeth.

I feel great and I love that her system fits in with Intermittent Fasting in such a beautiful way. Her concept of mouth resting is easy for me because of my 7 year history of Intermittent Fasting. The only adjustment was breaking myself of the frequent water sipping and learning to mouth rest around 2 hours between water drinking. I still monitor my intake closely and I just space out my water drinking and use the Xylitol mints during my fasting window after any eating or drinking including coffee or water. I’m going slow with the Xylitol mints … hoping they won’t cause any upset to my digestive system … at the 6 level I don’t think they will but I’m open to trying the granules (paste you make and spit out) instead of the mints for when I’m at home. I hope I’ll continue to tolerate the mints though because I don’t want the mess or any kind of hazard for my cats. The Xylitol has to be treated and taken care of like medication because it’s dangerous for dogs and cats.

I know it’s maybe early to be talking about this but I wanted to “document” my journey and I plan to do updates every few months. My goals are simple. I want to do this system for a minimum of 3 months, then go in for a cleaning if I need one … but I’ll go anyway because I’d like an X-ray I think. [I have no obvious issues and no pain … nothing except some residual plaque in the lower front inner area). We’ll see how I’m doing in early November 2025. I believe I will get a very good bill of dental health after using Dr. Ellie’s system for 3-6 months. I could probably do okay right now too but why face more scraping or sonic blasting than I need to … when I’m seeing dramatic improvements already from using the Xylitol and the rinses etc daily. I had no idea I’d ever feel eager and happy about my dental care routine. Until I found Dr. Ellie’s system, I always felt heavy dread about flossing … I normally flossed every other day … I brushed at least twice a day every day but the flossing was (to me) gross and sometimes painful.

Starting on this journey feels a lot like when I started on my Intermittent Fasting journey August of 2018 … I had dramatic immediate results with that too … which led to metabolic healing and weight loss I’d never been able to achieve with other means. This dental care system is easy + nearly free if you compare it to the cost of even one dental visit … because as a side note: I don’t have any dental insurance. It’s always a real frustration to be a cash pay dental customer. I can never ever get a straight answer about what my visit will cost. I usually just triple whatever they tell me. And this is how it was for me with no fillings needed and nothing but routine x-rays and fairly intense cleanings but not scary deep cleanings just routine-ish ones. I have a friend who says she could have bought a house with all the money she’s spent on her dental work, implants, crowns etc over the years. That is just sad. I have a strong sense of how lucky I’ve been up to this point to have the tooth health I’ve had. I did have advantages in school such as the mobile dental clinics that came to our elementary school and all of the education and training that entailed. My folks were not rich but I got to the dentist periodically for x-rays and cleanings and those 2 tiny fillings.

It’s mostly intuitive … my sense that I will remember finding this system and Dr. Ellie … for the rest of my life … with gratitude … the same way I recall “finding” Dr. Jason Fung and Intermittent Fasting. I was never going to learn these things from a mainstream dentist or doctor. It would not profit them to have a bunch of us running around without plaque infection and without insulin resistance. I hope that there are actually dentists and doctors out there these days who are willing to teach the things we need to know in order to create our own health. There probably are … but I’m often discouraged and totally at odds with the system we are stuck with … where we are offered treatments that DO NOT address the root causes of our health issues. If I come back for another human experience after this one is over, I hope enough time and evolution will have happened so that I find everything has changed and that the medical and dental systems are now wellness based and prevention based. Thank you for listening friends and I will update you later down the road as to how this ongoing dental care system works for me. If you are suffering in any way with your gums, teeth or mouth, I hope you’ll check out what Dr. Ellie has to say. This is her You Tube channel:

https://www.youtube.com/@dr.elliephillips

See you next time. And you never really know what the topic will be. I like writing about things I think may help people … especially when I find something that helps me so much. Disclaimer: Always always do your own research … I am not a doctor or a dentist and you should consult a professional and/or do your own decision making as I am NOT an expert on these subjects. Thank you, ~Chris~

The good news is that after a long difficult struggle with pressure sores, a new treatment plan was started about 2 weeks ago which has resulted in much healing for Mom … so much so that she no longer needs to have home health come twice a week … or at all even. The care staff where she lives will continue to apply special skin lotion for her and the sores have healed over. Without seeing pictures, it’s hard to imagine this (because of the last pictures I did see which really disturbed me). But, being signed out of home health and seen by a total of 3 nurses … it seems likely that this is true and a real reason to celebrate. Mom says she feels much better too.

In other good news: Mom was reevaluated by the Medicaid RN Thursday with my brother (Mom’s other co-guardian) present and she was found to have NOT ONE single qualifying factor for needing nursing home care. This is really good news … while at the same time ALL of us are really puzzled … it’s a heads reeling sort of moment believe me. All signs have pointed toward nursing level care being the most logical next step due to the sores that would not heal, her exhaustion and needing so much help with so many activities of daily living. It is harder for me to gauge over the phone what has led to what appears to be a miraculous change … but it is confirmed by my brother and by the RN from the state. When I tried to call Mom Friday she didn’t pick up so I am hoping to talk with her today.

I think this is a good example of how much like a roller coaster this experience has been for me anyway and I believe for others involved as well. How could Mom go from needing nursing level care (this is what we were told repeatedly by staff at the residential care home) to not having a single qualifying factor just a few weeks later? Could mental health issues have driven the exhaustion? Could that also be why she’s uncharacteristically energetic and “up” now? I just can’t know for sure. I have advocated for appropriate (more) medication in the recent past but it didn’t happen because of issues having to do with fall risk and side effects due to Mom’s age and overall health. But, I know that episodes can come and they can go … quite dramatically. Beyond just a general understanding combined with history … I really don’t know for sure.

Meanwhile, there is the status conference (in preparation for the appeal hearings) coming July 22nd, burning questions in my mind about whether or not she can just stay at her level III residential home now that her sores are better and she has NO qualifying factors for nursing level care. Maybe they will say the daily lotion exceeds their license I honestly don’t know. And, it’s very upsetting to me that we are “in appeal process” or litigation you might say over challenging the denial for Choices for Care Medicaid … AND challenging the involuntary discharge …. and now there has been this sudden appearance of improvement. Things could have already changed as I type this. This is the type of confusion I’ve faced often over the past 10 years. If I could have what I’d like - this could be resolved without legal hearings.

Setting aside the looming federal Medicaid cuts completely and even if I assume that Mom and other seniors in her blue state will still be able to receive the care they need …. I still feel like I’m in a pickle. I must proceed in resolving the involuntary discharge. My heart says that this should be resolved at the lowest level on the “chain of command” possible. But, for more than a year now we’ve been warned about Mom’s changing level of care and the signs have been clear that she would eventually be forced out of the residential care home … and we’d have to find other arrangements. Discussion recently started about a 3rd option: a higher level III care home if one even exists … and in exploring those and talking with administrators at those homes … I ran into something called ERC Enhanced Residential Care …. which I was told she’d still need the Choices for Care clinical certification for (and spoiler alert = she’s not getting that now anyway). Moving her to another facility much further away from family (she’s already in a totally different county and an hour to an hour and a half away from home) seems so wrong. The upset it would cause her and us … even if we are lucky enough to find a place that has an opening AND will accept her diagnosis and care needs … well it’s something that is hard for me to process. (I no longer can carry furniture so I feel I’d need to pay for help for my brother … just to mention one worry). It is likely we’ll have to continue with the appeal of the involuntary discharge with or without legal aid.

My other personal concerns center around when to make a trip … and dealing with two health red flags of my own. I’ll get to see a cardiologist July 17th. The other concern is not one that I’m likely to ever handle the way my doctor has “ordered” me to so I’m refraining from discussing it and I’m taking actions to be as healthy as possible and alert to any changes needing my attention. Sorry to be cryptic but I have a way I want to live in this world and I don’t feel I owe my doctor or even my family a turning over of my body to the types of things I don’t believe in. Manuel is supportive and on board with how I wish to deal with things.

I miss home + my family terribly and I hope to go to Vermont by October. At the same time, I’ll admit I’m not going to fly willingly right now with the current aviation safely concerns and with the ICE and homeland security f-ing madness happening. Even with my passport card. I waver back and forth between extreme sadness and high level anger and rage. I wonder how on earth I could even get Mom here (should it become the only option) to take care of her given all kinds of practical considerations … even if I could hold up to that level of 24 - hour supervision/care she would need (in addition to my current challenges). My mind bounces around to small details like how I tried to get her to get her ID renewed and it just didn’t fly so she has expired ID and documents probably split between her residence and my brothers. She can’t fly without a Real ID. She doesn’t want to come to Texas anyway but my brother works full time. She has not felt up to going to a local one hour hearing evaluation much less riding the hour drive up to get her ID card done. Just two weeks ago, Mom told me she was having trouble holding her head up and she wasn’t even sitting in her chair.

This is not a poor me post though - at least I hope it’s not. I just feel like the pressure inside my mind has to be let out… vented somehow. Because tomorrow, there are medical bills to sort thru for Mom, things she needs me to order, the case manager will be back, I am still awaiting a conversation with legal aid and I must figure out how to open a brand new conversation with the residential care home administrators about what is now possible given Mom’s change of wellness for the better. Plus I’m still preparing for that status conference July 22. I have learned that taking time to let things settle is valuable … because things can change before the ink dries I realize that.

All I want is appropriate care for Mom and peace of mind for all of us. It’s perhaps a tall order in 2025. I’m not living in fear … AND yet I’m unable to leave reality out of the picture when taking action lately. That said, I do have faith that we will all get thru this somehow as we have all the other days of our lives thus far. -30-

A bit of the backstory for context: Mom is in a Level III Residential Care Home back East. I live 2,000 miles away in Texas. My brother and I are co-guardians (since 2015), he resides about a 75 minute drive from where she is and he has a full time career. We have divided the guardian duties: I do the paperwork, calls, applications and recertifications and stuff like that, I participate in her zoom appointments, call her 3 times a week and we both participate in critical team meeting calls/videos, he responds on scene when there is an emergency or the need for special transportation or fixing things + he is able to visit in person quite often and has moved her and her things more times than I’d like to think about. Currently, she is being involuntarily discharged from her Residential Care Home because her care exceeds what they are licensed for. Also, she has been denied Medicaid, Choices for Care/Long Term Care based on not being clinically eligible.

So, we are appealing the Medicaid decision. The week started off Monday with a telephone status conference with the state Human Services Board. We found out the name and contact number for the state’s attorney whom I need to provide our evidence to and the appeal/board process was explained to us. We were told the State’s Attorney has until July 1st to give us their “discovery”. During that call, I was told I had one more level of appeal for the involuntary discharge (I thought the denial of the appeal I had already submitted was the final word) and I was told that when our status conference was over I needed to call the Human Services Board (same board I was on the phone with) and request that appeal since the case is complicated and involves her ever changing level of care. Both the Hearing Officer and the State’s Attorney insisted this must be done and that an additional status conference would be set for that matter. Holy confusion. Am I going to have to prove she should stay at the Residential Care Home AND that she qualifies clinically for Medicaid nursing home? [Because I strongly believe she needs nursing home level care after talking with ALL the caregivers involved + reviewing their reports - 136 pages of reports.] The Hearing Officer also advised me to call Legal Aid ASAP. A wise piece of advice. I made those two calls immediately after the status conference. A new status conference to address the involuntary discharge was set for July 22. 9 days prior to the actual discharge date.

On Tuesday, I emailed the state Long Term Care Ombudsman, a Legal Aid person I had gotten quite a lot of help from prior to the status conference, and she got right back to me with the offer to refer us to the Elder Law Project for Legal Aid that would address both the involuntary discharge and the clinical denial for Medicaid. I agreed and supplied the guardianship order and she did the referral.

There were multiple emails and phone calls between me and Mom’s case manager because she is helping with referrals to nursing homes — a few of them allow the referral to go in even without the Medicaid approval [that way if there is any other disqualifying factor we can eliminate those homes and move on]. I was thrilled there was an electronic signature option this week because having to print forms, sign them, re-scan them and email them back was getting to be a part time job. Also, with the electronic signature I could be at the vet, at another appointment, or living my life and still accomplish it quickly on my cell phone.

Wednesday it rained here at my house and I was so excited … because we are in stage 3 drought conditions. Also, we found out from Mom’s Community Care Home’s coordinator that someone from Choice for Care/Medicaid would be coming to reassess Mom on Friday. This was a shock because we are actively appealing the denial of Medicaid. People must have been talking to each other at that state agency? But, hey this is good news right!? It’s what I thought should happen given the time that has passed since the last assessment. There were quite a few emails and texts Wednesday too because the care home admins wondered if my brother could be there for the reassessment. Well, he works and had already gotten time off for that status conference but it turned out that he had a prior out of town commitment which was put in place MONTHS ago and he would be leaving the next morning. Also, I weighed in privately and let him know that many times in the past these assessments (same agency/person) were suddenly canceled or rescheduled. It was stressful for me still to stick my nose in it but the level of loss and disruption could be huge for him for something that might not even happen.

Thursday found me at the eye doctor with my sister-in-law for her check up. We actually get a nice chance to catch up and chat while waiting for stuff like that and Manuel (my husband) got tacos for all of us afterward. This was a pleasant morning.

Friday came and I kept saying little prayers for my Mom who would be clinically reassessed this day (I thought) for Medicaid. But then a call came from the RN who was going to be doing the assessment. She said she’d be going to see my Mom in a little bit but she wanted to talk with “us” first. She asked me questions about Mom’s skill level and I answered the best I could about the struggles she’s having with showering (even with full help), carrying her tray, changing her pullups, turning herself to try to relieve pressure, getting in and out of the car for doctor appointments and so on. The biggest issue too came up: her stage 2 pressure sores which are not improving even though she’s getting Home Health twice a week and the on site nurse once a week for wound care. I told her I had seen the pictures and they are AWFUL. When my input was finished she said: “I’m just having trouble still qualifying her for Choices for Care, she’s really quite functional.” She questioned me about the placements we were doing referrals for and I said the case manger and I were looking at nursing homes in or near her home county. She said we should be applying to other Level III Assisted Living facilities because they would have more care and help. Huh!? Oh this is where it got VERY stressful. I told her that where Mom is now is the ONLY residential or assisted facility that would admit Mom because of her serious diagnosis (in 2015 when she was admitted where she is now). I am not going to disclose her diagnosis here. So, this nurse said: “I’ll send you the list, you need to do the referrals anyway because denials even could help ‘our’ case.” Then we discussed cognitive assessments and how maybe if she could find something there … (cognitive decline or dementia) this could help. I offered to email her the assessment and discharge info I had from a very serious inpatient assessment done some years ago. It did disclose special vulnerabilities which were already happening even then.

Then she dropped the big one on me: she said she was not going to assess Mom today she was going to have to speak to MY BROTHER first. WHAT? She asked for his phone number. I gave it. She asked if he’d be able to talk with her. I said: well, I’m sure he has voice mail but I don’t know his exact schedule today + he is out of town. She said she had to talk with him and/or get him to come next week for the reassessment. (keep in mind this is a 75 minute drive one way best case AND it’s during the work week - but I can’t speak for him so I keep this to myself). Oh geez. Okay. I took that personally, thinking that I had just done a very thorough job of explaining where things are at … but now there would be a delay on MY watch … my poor Mom would not know until I let her know why the RN never showed up. But whatever.

I proceeded to my computer after our phone call and retrieved the “list” of assisted living level III places and they are ALL far far away from the county Mom prefers and very far away from where my brother and aunts/uncle live. Many of the counties near where Mom lives and her home county list: “no assisted living facilities”. Mercy. Plus we have these appeals pending for both the discharge and the denial of Medicaid.

This was about where my own mood + ability to maintain myself really plummeted and I started realizing I was not okay. I had missed a meal during all this phone call and mad rush to scan and provide the RN with the old assessment which was on my old disconnected computer but I only had a hard copy at my fingertips. I suppose also I was pretty distressed that this RN person would be calling my brother — sort of like a teacher calling your parents — when this is MY RESPONSIBILITY …. dealing with calls and stuff like this so that he can work. And I still had to call Mom for our scheduled 3 pm check in (we do this 3 times a week) and explain the nurse would come next week (hopefully).

I managed the call to Mom without melting down. It was a pleasant conversation and I think she was glad for the delay of the assessment. After that I ate a small bowl of soup after and felt slightly better. But the more I thought (I have a thinking problem for sure) the more I realized I do NOT like the idea of applying for any of those Level III far far away Assisted Living places … wasting everyone’s time … checking boxes like playing some game just to get denials. Ugh. I called Mom’s case manger because I thought how will anyone at the facility know that the RN changed her whole plan after talking with ME. At least that call was positive. The case manager reassured me that I was doing everything right and that I should enjoy my weekend and we’d regroup next week … she would brief the team about the RN needing to speak with my brother prior to the assessment. She said those types of assessments often get shuffled around. She always leaves me with positives.

I confess … I was so upset though so deep down over the whole debacle and over the fact that I just refuse to bother my brother during his special event … it can all keep until Monday plus I know I’m in no shape to sound reasonable right now and the last thing I want to do is bring the energy of me to his world (and Father’s Day weekend) until I calm down and process this most recent turn of events. I have some experience with doing what I’m told even though I know it’s not right … and it doesn’t ever end well. So, I’m not about to rush into those referrals until I understand a lot more about the facilities and get a grasp of whether our appeal could uncover other options. Legal aid (Elder Law Project) did contact me earlier today to get all my contact numbers and email and availability so I will soon be able to speak to the attorney or someone on their staff and so that will be top of the list for next week. I honestly was doing pretty well until the phone call from the nurse. I had really hoped Mom would get a reassessment today. Note to self: disappointment is part of life.

So, here we are … it’s almost 7 pm Friday. I’m overdue to put the case away until Monday. Mom is being well taken care of at her care home and she sounded good when I talked with her. She said: you even told me it (the assessment) could change remember dear? And I laughed and said: “yes but it seemed almost as if I was the cause of her change in plans and that really upset me”. Mom was having a good day and she just said, “Don’t you worry we will just take it one day at a time like you always tell me”. LOL After that brief call with Mom (she had just had Home Health in and she was tired) I washed our huge stack of dirty dishes and then fed my cats … it was big excitement because they love their evening meal. I hope for peace of mind this weekend. The whole thing will just have to wait until Monday. It’s a lot like my military days: hurry up and wait. I guess I just had to write about this to process and release this stressful week. I truly feel in retrospect as if the guardian duties did their darndest to swallow me whole over the past 5 days. So much effort = so little results at this point. But, I will carry on. -30-

Over the past month, I realized that I’m not doing well mentally, physically or spiritually. The bar I set for myself is high because ordinarily I am cheerful, energetic and happily living life. The current situation in the US government is so unhealthy that I’m not feeling called to write about it anymore.

This is not to say that I’m disengaging totally. I feel it’s important to have some awareness of issues so that I can continue to make my calls to our Representative and Senators in Congress. I also am staying informed about better purchasing options … continuing my economic boycott of certain companies. Social media (even Instagram) has become like a mine field of constant emergencies. I disengaged totally from Facebook years ago after my disappointment and suspicions after the 2016 election. You Tube remains my home for enjoying the fountain pen hobby. My algorithm there lately is so full of independent journalists + political content that I have had to hunt for fountain pen content. I have no idea (at this moment) how I am going to handle staying informed but not over loading myself going forward but I expect to work that out intuitively and by experimentation - trying new ways to read/view news. My Mom is a long time reader of The New Yorker magazine and she has fixed it for me to have digital access to that publication - so that’s one possibility. All I know is that I can’t continue to ingest the constant toxicity coming at us daily anymore. It was affecting my health directly (heart palpitations), and due to my sensitivity to others (empath here) it has been significantly triggering depression and anxiety. I can’t afford to let my health slip away … my husband, my Mom, my cats and my brother depend on me (my brother so that I can do my part for Mom of course). Oh, and I depend on myself too to take good care of me. So, even when I’m not able to make the right choice for ME (which I am now much more ready and able) I knew I needed to change things for the people and animals that depend on me.

As we speak my passport card is on it’s way to me … I am very relieved and will be moreso when it gets here - it will allow me to continue to vote unchallenged as it is proof of citizenship.

I have undergone many medical tests (too many) and I await a closer look at my heart by a cardiologist if the insurance approves it. I’m still puzzling as to why I’ve not had an EKG yet. I’m dealing with 2 red flags which I know will require me to heal my way which is never medication as a first choice. Getting medical care and tests is always excruciating for me because I just do not in any way fit into the mainstream medical guidelines. I know that sounds like I’m making myself out to be special but all I really mean by this is that I prefer to do things naturally as much as humanly possible. [I’ve only had 2 medical doctors in my 61.5 years who have worked well with me on this] I also have had medical trauma in the past (personal experience AND second hand when closely experiencing cancer journeys with my motherinlaw and my Dad). I have collected some pretty clear preferences along the way and it’s hard to talk to a military or mainstream doctor about anything outside the recommended drugs, procedures, tests, etc. Natural healing is not what they offer. They offer drugs, tests and surgery. Anyway, I have discovered a lot of health and wellbeing in the tests done … as well as 2 areas I know I can significantly improve/influence as long as I am not dragging myself down with the daily awfulness of Trump 2.0.

Soon after I started writing here on Substack I had the thought that I wish I had started this for hobby (fountain pens and other hobbies) related or general writing. That’s interesting to me. Because I now see that it can be anything I want it to be and people will come and go as their interests align or do not align with the subjects discussed. I like it here because I often have lots to say but I also like to keep my You Tube channel fairly on topic with a few exceptions for personal updates.

So, this is not goodbye but I do intend to change my focus here and I thought it would be a good idea to let you know.

We still have free speech although it is clearly under attack. I hope that we can all find a way to remain/become healthy during such a stressful time. It seems challenging to me. It was also challenging to me during the first few years of Covid. But, living such a solitary, retired lifestyle with my husband and 3 cats …. made Covid less of a struggle for me than many I’m sure. This: chaotic and seemingly lawless + antidemocratic leaders in our government …… takes the prize for the worst days I’ve ever had to navigate (outside of deaths of loved ones both human and feline). I have no intention of burying my head in the sand but I know now that if I don’t take care of myself and better balance my whole health …. I could face serious stress related health consequences in all 3 major connected areas: mind, body, spirit.

Take good care everyone. And if you have ideas of how to keep informed without overload and toxic stress … I’m all ears. I’m interested too in specific news/political content that is not overly dramatic. Thank you very much for reading!

Over the past week or so, I took care of a ton of personal appointments and paperwork. My renewal on my passport card is in progress. I got an eye exam, ordered glasses, went to my new primary care doctor for a physical, got a mammogram, got bloodwork, vitamins, and other upcoming referrals/actions. I am very grateful for my health care coverage and I had the sense that it would be best to take care of everything I possibly can before … ? … whatever it is that will happen next!

I have been re-turning to the practice of Stoicism and reminding myself of what I actually control. It always surprises me how little we actually control. My notes from my favorite book on Stoicism read like this:

Up to Us:

• Opinions

• Impulses

• Desires

• Aversions

I also wrote down:

3 Levels of Influence:

• Make choices, select goals & means

• Implement action

• Mindfulness …. wisdom

The book, in case you are interested, is: How to be a Stoic by Massimo Pigliucci:

Link to the book, How to be a Stoic:

I find that when I spend some time every day contemplating and practicing Stoicism I do better … I am able to get to the point of whatever I am able to do for action(s) and more easily let go of all the things outside my control. It’s not ever an excuse for inaction or passiveness in fact Stoicism instills very high level virtues: Courage, Temperance, Justice and Practical Wisdom. Sometimes people get confused because of the word “stoic” and I’ve had someone I really love and admire tell me that it is NOT good to just put up with things. This was just a misunderstanding of what Stoicism is and I think I was able to clarify for them. Anyway, I mention it here because of the peace I’ve derived from the study and practice. In case it helps someone.

Today, I also became aware that CBS/60 Minutes is again being targeted by Trump. How long will be we have freedom of speech? These are the kinds of questions that haunt me when I wake up at night. But, for the sake of my health, I have to put some limits on how much time I spend with these troubling subjects each day.

I have come to realize during my days of cutting down on content consumption: I must spend more time taking my actions: economic boycotting, calling my rep and senators, and continuing to study and learn from the books I have gotten by Timothy Snyder and Heather Cox Richardson (and others) …. ! The action part of resistance MUST far exceed “watching” or consuming content and articles. I still find it quite inspiring though to watch Bernie Sanders and AOC give their speeches at the Fight Oligarchy rallies. They are making the rounds again and today they are in Idaho. My bullet journal has become my launching pad for the things I need to learn, plan and act on daily. There were no classes in school on “how to fight a dictatorship” so we are all learning as we go. I am grateful for the very educated people who keep us informed thereby assisting us/me in what to do. My copy of Timothy Snyder's: On Tyranny is my most turned to book right now. I am also beginning to delve into his book: On Freedom … it is full of solutions just quite a bit more of an intense read.

If I’ve learned anything so far it’s this: this will be a long haul … I am going to have to pace myself and see to it that I don’t burn out. I think I can’t afford very much anger or very much time indulging in “pity party” type thinking. I will need to be healthy and prepared for taking sustained actions … in order to be a productive part of the resistance. I do not know how much we will all be silenced. I’m watching You Tube to see if Independent journalists there continue to be free to speak out. I do not know how the Supreme Court will proceed with the case of Mr. Garcia … but I know what I’d like to see: contempt charges and people held accountable. NOW. Before we lose the last threads of the rule of law in this country. Do I have any control over that? No, but there are individual actions I can take every day to fight Oligarchy, Tyranny, Authoritarianism and Fascism. So I will persist.

May you also persist and be safe, healthy and have some fun! Joy is one of the main demonstrations of freedom! Also, I welcome any ideas in the comments if you have some suggestions on how to resist … including any websites or videos you’ve found particularly helpful. Thank you!

And today … the first thing I saw was a 60 Minutes special report which I believe should be required viewing for all Americans. Along with the 5 minute 60 Minutes Overtime related clip. I include them both below and I urge anyone who hasn’t seen these to watch. We can not turn out backs on this. And we must not think it can’t happen to us or someone we love.

I am going to admit: initially, I thought the Venezuelan migrants were part of some sort of a prison transfer. I did not realize they were being snatched off the streets of America. I did eventually gather from various reports I had seen that they did NOT receive any kind of due process. I knew that family members were identifying them from footage and pictures + saying their loved ones were not in any gang and didn’t have criminal records in any country. 3 cases were emerging as especially clear “mistakes”: the father with protected status, the soccer player and the hairdresser/make up artist. It was all kind of fuzzy and although I believe NOTHING the Trump regime claims (I cannot + do not trust Trump or anyone who works for him) … I still could not get even a semi-clear picture of how this was happening. The 60 Minutes journalism/reports give us many more facts:

There are plenty of really seriously disturbing, illegal and highly damaging crimes being perpetrated against us right now … but I fail to see anything more serious than the absence of due process, transparency and rule of law that has occurred during the supposed “deportations” … by the way … deportation (I learned) is when people are returned to their country … not sent to a concentration camp in another country. The father who was picked up and sent to El Salvador: let us say his name = Kilmer Abrego Garcia = had protected status in the United States …. from gang persecution in Venezuela … and he had no criminal record in either country. A federal judge has given the Trump “administration” until a minute before midnight tonight: April 7, 2025 to bring him back. I will be watching and expecting contempt charges and detainment/prison for those Trump staffers responsible if they do not make that happen. That would be a start — freeing Mr. Garcia. But if you watch the 60 Minutes coverage of this story … you’ll find out that the investigative journalists and the photo journalist covering this are finding that approximately 75% of these people taken unlawfully to El Salvador had no criminal record. None of them had due process.

There’s so much more I could say. My purpose here is to reach even one person who has not yet realized how illegal and riddled with error and injustice the Trump regime is in conducting their “deportations” which are not actually deportations in some cases like this one: they are trafficking humans …. one has to wonder how these sick individuals carrying out these crimes even sleep at night. And how any of us can consider this as something happening to “them” … we have to look closely and pay attention to detail. It would be so easy to assume these were violent prisoners … but even if they were: we have to ask … what’s really going on here? Are innocent people getting swept up? Did they each have their case verified? Does it really matter if they are criminals … is it legal or ethical to sell them to another brutal country?

I’m someone who has a very hard time carrying on normally these days. I have to. Because people depend on me and my animals do too. So, I have to go thru the motions and complete things like appointments and routine important tasks. But I won’t stop using my voice to call attention to wrong doing until this stops. We have been hijacked by terrorists …. they have the white house, they are intimidating judges, universities, Congress people, and citizens, migrants …. everyone … it is going to take all of us refusing to put up with this insanity to speak up, call out their lies and fire them. There are too many issues for all of us to follow all of them … this is one of my top 3 concerns in fact it is my top issue: illegal deportation/detaining and particularly the case of innocent migrants sent to El Salvador. I am not lacking so much in imagination that I do not wonder and contemplate what and who could be next.

There are also many hopeful things that happened over the weekend too and I’m aware of them … I just want us all to take a closer look at this and put more pressure on those in power to correct this. If we do not, we can expect similar injustices to land closer and closer to home and our own families. It’s past time to stop normalizing the current regime in the white house. This is not about left or right politics it’s about right or wrong at this point + I’m not okay with mistakes and illegal, immoral unthinkable nonsense. I pray that Mr. Garcia is returned to his family today.

Yesterday, I watched a town hall meeting which took place in Houston, Texas and was hosted by Governor Tim Walz and Beto O’Rourke. I had been cutting back on my consumption of political content and sticking with the daily updates from historian and political commenter, Heather Cox Richardson. But, coming in from working outside on our lawn and raking more leaves I welcomed the chance to see what the town hall was like … and thanks to You Tube … the entire 1 hour and 48 minute event is there for us to listen to. I highly recommend it … there were lots of really thoughtful questions raised by citizens attending the meeting and it is so reassuring to hear other people voice the same concerns that I have. One elderly man literally made me cry with his turn at the mic in which he said in a very loud and confident voice (and I paraphrase) … I can’t believe at my age I’m having to deal with this shit! My God he put into words exactly what I’ve been thinking and I suspect THOUSANDS of other people are thinking as well. Here’s a link to the town hall:

I live a few hours South of Houston in Texas and I would have liked to have attended the town hall in person. It’s rare for any video that is almost 2 hours long to hold my attention like the town hall did. I watched it from beginning to end. I had my little common place notebook beside me and I took a few notes. There are some practical takeaways and there is much inspiration in the video. The main note I made, which I later put a colorful box around said:

Fight or Surrender

These are the only 2 choices they said, and I believe that wholeheartedly. I intend to fight! I am not talking about physical fighting as that I will reserve as a last resort. I am still someone who believes the pen is mightier than the sword.

Earlier in the day (March 31st) I heard that Timothy Snyder (historian and activist + author of On Tyranny and On Freedom has left the US and Yale and gone to Toronto, Canada, to live and teach at the University of Toronto’s Munk School. I was quite concerned when I read that because he is an expert on authoritarianism and he would know whether he was safe to continue his work here in the US. With a high profile and important work including international travel constantly, I can well understand his decision. Also, the more I read, the more I realize that this was something that was in consideration for a long time … probably at least 2 years. It still shook me some. Yet, it makes perfect sense especially given Professor Snyder’s travel and work in Ukraine. I also read that Dr. Bandy Lee, the editor of “The Dangerous Case of Donald Trump” and former Yale professor (she was fired for speaking out about Trump) has decided to stay in the US. I can’t help but be relieved for Timothy Snyder and his wife and colleague (who will likely be safe and free in Canada) and worried for Dr. Bandy Lee and her safety + freedom given the current political climate.

As for me, I do not have not the economic means to flee and I’d like to think that even if I did I’d stay and fight. But, nothing is that simple. For instance, I have an aging and vulnerable parent living in the US and many other family members … I can’t imagine the added stress of international travel if I was wealthy or talented (if my skill was in demand in a country like Canada or The Netherlands) enough to relocate.

Since it’s clear to me that I’ll be in living in the US no matter what … the only choice everyday is: fight or surrender. It is likely that fighting is going to look different from day to day. In March, I began having some strange heart symptoms + sensations and I’ve got to rule out anything serious so April will include several appointments. I can’t fight or help anyone if my health ends up in the trash or I end up in the non-physical realm. Thankfully, I still have health insurance from my husbands military service (well we also pay a monthly premium for it too but it’s not much). I think that I’m healthy, I’ve done all the home checks on myself in terms of blood pressure, BPM, oxygen, + blood sugar and I’ve scoured the books I do have especially the one provided years ago by the insurance to determine when one needs to see a doctor or get urgent or emergency care and I’m satisfied that waiting a few days for an appointment is fine. I suspect (much to my frustration) that what I’m having is stress related or panic related even though I’ve never experienced a panic attack unless these current oddities are actually panic. I don’t know so I will let the doctor check things out. I always reserve my right to evaluate the doctors advice and make my own decisions about what to do about anything found.

Another recent video I watched which turned out to be really helpful to me is Marrianne Williamson’s recent “Spirituality and This Political Moment”. It is a good reminder for me that spirituality is at heart and core of everything … no exceptions … and that Trump and his regime are not in charge of the Universe no matter how much it may appear that they are. I was reading Marrianne’s books many years ago long before she became active in politics. I come from a more conservative Christian background and have moved steadily toward progressive Christianity and Spirituality and away from dogma and doctrine. I remember when I was studying at Unity Spiritual Center - we read about Judas (one of the 12 disciples) I believe the book was: Judas: Betrayer or Friend of Jesus by William Klaussen. We studied from several sources and I remember walking away with the feeling that without the betrayal there would not have been the resurrection … and even if you take the literal meanings and replace them with metaphysical … I clearly got the idea that Judas was as important as the other 11 disciples and perhaps I/we did not have the full picture. That study came to mind this week as I wondered: will any good come of Trump 2.0? How much suffering must happen before the rebirth of something better? I have no answers right now … I am just grappling with how much I hate the atrocities already happening. But I found Marrianne’s video soothing and helpful so I link it here:

This is becoming very long and I am not 1/2 way into the thoughts I’ve been having. But I think I will leave you with one last experience that happened this week … it was a reminder to me of the power of music and how it connects us to our emotions and to our past. It is loaded with Soul. Soul, according to Thomas Moore in his book: Care of the Soul —- is concerned with the people and places and things we find familiar one could say the past (although time is another thing we could debate) and Spirit according to Thomas Moore is something that relates to the new and the forward moving craving for change and progress. This week I found a powerful connection in a song I used to listen to often decades ago. A friend asked me for suggestions of Tejano music … and I immediately thought of Selena and of La Mafia (my two favorite Tejano singers/groups. In writing a comment to her about this I realized I wanted to listen to La Mafia’s song: Vida … right then and there. I have it on my old school MP3 player and that is my preferred way to hear music …. with headphones so that I hear all the instruments and everything very clearly. Now, Vida is a ballad and not the most traditional of Tejano songs (the more traditional Tejano music features horns and accordion) …. so I thought I’d better listen to the song and see if I still considered it a favorite. I remember translating the whole song years ago so that I could understand what the song was about … wish I could find those notes now although I do feel it generally needs no translation. I listened to the song and burst into tears so strong I was afraid I’d upset my cats and my husband in another part of the house. Immediately I asked myself: what is up with the emotion … and what came to mind was that the song carried a lot of memories of my inlaws and how much I miss them (they treated me like a daughter) … we had in common a love for the Tejano music especially Selena who lived right here in our city. But there was more: I recognized a strong resonance with the person I was back then … much younger … much more confident … far more naive and carefree … and even thru my tears the song did what country singer and song writer Trisha Yearwood claimed in her lyrics … “the song remembered when”. So, the gift of passing along some of my favorite old song titles to my friend was that I realized I could listen to music that is literally right here in front of me … and connect to the full Spirit and Strength that is available. I do not have to limit myself to my sixty something current situation small caps “self” I can tap into the/my full spiritual Self that is always here … like a radio we sometimes don’t turn on. You probably have your own songs that bring you in touch with your Soul and Spirit … I’ll leave you with the one that I spoke of here and I will continue writing another day about how I’m navigating these times. Sometimes it seems like the smallest of actions can generate the biggest shifts.

All I know for sure right now is that I choose to fight and not surrender. I have a feeling I’ll need music and every other resource available to recharge and sustain the fight in me. Thank you for reading. Here’s the song. I must warn you … it’s beautiful and heartbreaking … but maybe it’s just me…..

A few years ago, I found the work of Dr. John Sarno (Healing Back Pain - book) and I learned so much about tension/stress in the body and the “mind ~ body connection”. I’ve since taken my research even further into the brain science component which explains how pain originates in the brain … but I digress … this is not today’s topic.

I really just want to talk about how I FEEL as the continued nightmare of Trump 2.0 unfolds. But, I can’t skip over the fact that yet again — my stressed out mind/brain generated some impressive and scary symptoms which, as soon as I confessed them to my pen pal friend via email…. (we email each other between letters which take a long time to travel between our continents) … they disappeared. I had my notebook all ready to take down precise notes if/when the symptoms reappeared in preparation for talking to my doctor. So far, they’ve not resurfaced. So then I realized: there is a really high probability that the symptoms were totally stress related. That wasn’t my initial thought though … in fact I was quite afraid and I realized that so many animals and people depend on me … I simply must take care of myself …! To be honest, my first and most pressing concern was for my 3 rescue cats … of course I’m actually “the rescued” but they do depend on me for everything and I love them like children - so I was already thinking … what would happen to them if I was no more. Not to mention my husband, my Mom, my brother + family, my sisterinlaw and my friends: in person and virtual/mail box friends. And my fountain pen friends on You Tube. Nope, I don’t intend to ruin my health because I’m overdosing on a blow by blow constant “drip” (or fire hose more like) of crazy government stuff.

And yet, this crisis we are going thru is SERIOUS. I will not completely disconnect, I will resist and I will take action(s) everyday. I can’t lay down my head at night and sleep unless I feel I have done *something* each day. Even if it’s just figuring out how to navigate giving up the large corporations for procuring needed items. And, I determined: I need to have some balance … life can not become so out of order that all I think about is disturbing “what ifs” and terrifying images + the corruption, greed and lawlessness that is on full display everyday if you follow even the most thoughtful and low drama historians and reporters.

So, I cut back some more on watching videos. I kept on reading Heather Cox Richardson’s Letters from an American (Substack) - which I get in my inbox every day. Evening news in our house is very hard to completely evade. My husband watches David Muir/ABC every week night. I sometimes leave the room or I use my headphones to listen to music or something else to purposely not pay full attention to it all. It’s overwhelming and I prefer to read and understand individual topics - intaking new things a bit slower. The subject that really threatened to bring my stress symptoms roaring back this week was: the deportation of Venezuelan men deported to an El Salvador prison. I am so horrified … it reeks of Holocaust style terror and infuriates me to the depths of my soul. One of my friends told me: “these were hardened criminals just being transferred from one prison to another” … but … were they? I still … am not convinced … how did they happen upon the soccer player then? Who exactly are these people and why not take them back to Venezuela? One innocent person is too many when it comes to being condemned to a prison in El Salvador. I still feel there is an unacceptable lack of actual details on who these people are! How would I feel if that was my brother or my son (who has tattoos - not gang tattoos but still….)? These are the same nuts that claimed prior to the election that migrants were “eating the pets” … “eating the cats” … “eating the dogs” in Ohio … now claiming that these men are criminal gang members invading the US and raping and murdering … give me a break. Show us the proof. OMG. Anyway, you get the point. They are the same characters who claim we are paying 150 to 300 year-olds social security checks. No evidence just justification for insane illegal behavior bi-passing the required legal process. It seems clear now that at least some mistakes were made. And, I since learned that deportation means: the person is sent back to their country. This is not what happened. So, just that one horror show was enough to send me into a fury which has NOT worn off. I expect our government officials to treat all people in this country with due process the same way they’ll want to be treated when we finally hold them accountable for their current crimes against humanity.

It is rough isn’t it … to walk thru life with the awareness of these types of hideous things happening right here in our country … perpetrated by our leaders … elected, unelected and appointed. And yet, what good will any of us be if we don’t find a way to keep ourselves healthy —— of MIND, BODY and SPIRIT ——— as much as possible while going thru this and while RESISTING.

And so, I continue to strive toward the middle ground where I neither bury my head under the covers nor become overdosed with focusing on only the horrors and the resisting of them. It helps me to tune in to Bernie Sanders’ You Tube channel and watch him and AOC and others as they continue the Fighting Oligarchy tour … just seeing the massive crowds cheering in all the locations they are rallying at … gives me so much hope and lifts my spirits.

Overall, this week was (in my opinion) a failure on my part to balance my resistance activities with living my normal life. I fell short on active resistance and concentrated on being okay … on doing really normal things like cooking, cleaning, preparing a room in case Mom comes here to stay, inventorying and planning, figuring out alternate places to buy necessities … (damn Amazon seems to have a choke hold on price and inventory) … raking leaves and making the yard more safe from drought/climate change, learning some things I need to understand better about my Mom’s insurances. I confess: I didn’t make any political calls. I wanted to. I felt so angry I didn’t dare call up my republican senators and say what I’d really like to say. I don’t have any democrats to call unless I call other people’s reps/Senators. I knew my anger had to settle and I know I still need to understand what facts where are to know about those “deportations” before I say my piece. Words really do matter and no matter how dishonorable the current regime is: I do not wish to stoop to that level.

All these words and I didn’t even touch on the ongoing threat to Medicaid (Mom depends on this) and Social Security (they are making it harder for people to get customer service, file etc). But no, turning completely away from this is NOT AN OPTION. I now strongly believe that “just” voting is not enough. We/I have to be engaged more on a regular basis … with our representatives in Congress and in other yet to be determined ways. It was an imperfect week to be sure. I’m grateful the scary symptoms have not come back. I spent quite a long time researching and came to the conclusion that I was not dealing with an urgent problem … ! I’ve not ruled out a check up but I fully satisfied my concerns and then the sensations evaporated into thin air which often happens when stress/tension is the root cause.

I do not know what this week will hold. I know I will strive for living my life AND resisting the authoritarian take over from here in my big red state while not letting these unthinkable times completely steal my joy! I wish you peace and joy as well and the grace to take a step back when you need to. Also, have you found ways to balance living and resisting? If so, I’d love to hear them in the comments!

Every year during hurricane season, we track the storms and we’re aware that people in mobile homes and those living right on the coast are even more vulnerable and may have to evacuate, board up and endure even more disruption. We also know that we too are in the “zone” where severe wind damage and power outages can impact us and all the services we rely on.

We track hurricanes when they are still way out in the gulf - long before we know whether they will actually affect our area. Preparing starts before hurricane season begins … especially for those of us who have faced empty shelves in the past, hate crowds, and like to find what we need in stock. We get food, supplies, water, pet food, medications, gasoline, cash, plywood, tarps and so on and we continue to make plans right up to when we can be fairly sure where the storm is “tracking”. There’s a really really strange surreal feeling that comes over me about two days before the hurricane is likely to make land fall — especially when we’re still in the cone of “likely to make landfall close to us”. The weather is generally super nice in the final day or two before a storm and everything looks great + seems fine but there’s a knowing that a powerful damaging storm is heading toward us. There’s no more shopping to do … but I do find myself preparing extra in case anyone needs to evacuate over to our house from their less secure housing … I get ready for that possibility by organizing things in the appropriate room(s). It’s hard to describe how it feels to know that you could lose your roof or your house … or even more likely — endure extended power outages and disruption to everyday life and work.

This government madness is not quite like a hurricane … even though it does evoke some of the same strange feelings. In a way it more closely resembles a series of dozens of tornadoes happening all at once. There is a realization that it’s “so big” and so unpredictable — and contains so much mayhem — that preparing is tricky and can seem useless. I lived in the middle of Oklahoma for 9 years and I have a great respect for tornadoes. They happen quickly and the destruction is often catastrophic. But I still think that skills learned in preparing for hurricanes can help us be ready for the unpredictable wild cards coming at us from the Trump Regime.

I was so discouraged yesterday when the Senate passed the CR (continuing resolution) I really really had hoped Senate Democrats would oppose it and put pressure on Republicans to work together on a real spending plan. That didn’t happen. I don’t think a government shutdown would be great either and to be honest I don’t understand all of this fully. But I do believe that what is happening currently is not right or just. It’s reckless, lawless and damaging - so it’s hard to imagine how a temporary shut down would have been much worse. I feel grateful for the people writing and making videos - especially those who have really inspiring messages like Senator Bernie Sanders for example. When I feel down I go to his You Tube channel and stream one of his Fight Oligarchy rallies. I know I will continue to make my calls to my Rep and Senators. I will keep on learning and doing all I can to resist this authoritarian take over of our country. There may come a day when I overcome my fear of crowds and protest in person. I will also keep preparing as much as humanly possible for myself and my family. I think that lessons I learned from getting ready for hurricanes over the past 34 years can be helpful in facing the next phase of being an American right now during Trump 2.0.

Things I’ve learned from hurricane readiness (I think they all translate pretty well to facing a hostile unpredictable government):

1. You can’t let the fact that catastrophic loss is possible stop you from preparing all you possibly can. One can of food at a time + one dollar at a time …get ready! Everything you do ahead will directly benefit you + your family.

2. A storm can look terrible … and then change course or weaken … and your preparations are still not wasted because another storm will come and/or someone can use the extra things you gathered. (people North of us had it much worse than we did during hurricane Harvey and needed our donations)!

3. Mindset is very very important. Panic is not helpful. Stay calm. You’ll have to make some decisions before you have certainty but that’s okay … go with your gut. The choice to evacuate ahead of a hurricane for instance often has to be made before the final coordinates pinpoint the landfall or you won’t get all the way to safety in time. If you wait for “officials” to tell you to go or that it’s safe to stay = it does not always turn out well. They are not certain either. We have to think for ourselves and then accept the consequences.

4. Get good reliable information. You don’t want to listen to the fear mongering folks … find the people who stay calm and give you actual facts.

5. Action is the best antidote for fear and anxiety. Get busy when you have time + energy on your hands.

6. Communicate with people who will be in the “boat” with you. It’s amazing how much better prepared you can be when working together vs everyone coming to the hurricane “party” with the same thing.

Thank you for reading my friends. These are stressful times. Some people are already dealing with SO MUCH. Many of us are just trying to enjoy our retirement and live in peace. And now more challenges, stress and anxiety is being piled onto us daily. I don’t believe that any of us can afford to “wait and see where this storm of government wreckage goes” … I believe this calls for a similar mindset to hurricane preparedness. We know there will be storms … we may not have the precise coordinates or details yet but there is a lot we can do to get ready. Be safe!

So, I’ve made the choice as a citizen to resist in any way I can. This is very new to me. I’m not in my comfort zone that is for sure. I was horrified by Trump’s first term but at least there were still checks and balances back then.

I still have a very hard time getting past the idea that he was allowed to run for president again. After everything he said and did publicly … I need no complicated legal rulings to tell me that he meant to overthrow a free and fair election in 2020 … and I’m just too simple I guess to EVER accept much less understand WHY his actions, right out in the open - publicly conducted, didn’t cause him to be disqualified.

So, there, that being said, here we are. We have to deal with what is and not what we think it should be. I have not got it all figured out … a strategy or a new way to be in this situation … but I have found a few things that help that do seem to contribute in small ways to resisting this authoritarian take over. And I want to share them here just in case I may be able to inspire someone.

At first, I didn’t know what to do at all. But I knew that complaining and listening to others complain was not going to change anything. So, I started looking to my favorite historians, politicians, and independent media for clues.

These are the things that were suggested and that I’ve been doing:

1. Calling my Representatives and Senators to ask them directly to support programs that are important to me. I discovered 5calls.org which has all the issues listed and you can quickly find your Congress people and phone numbers. They have scripts you can use too but I like to write down my own thoughts … I call about the things I’m fired up about and certainly the lists at 5 calls help as a starting point. If you are one of the lucky ones who has a Rep(s) or Senator(s) fighting for the people and doing the right things — it’s still important to call and thank them. When I first started making my calls my knees were weak and shaking I was so nervous. Especially when I called one particular Republican Senator. I live in a big red state = Texas. I have actually met my local Republican Representative and making the call to his staff was not as difficult. I got an email back from my Rep though (about the SAVE act) and it was NOT an answer to my question. Mostly, I have reached voicemail and carefully left my message in a way that will ensure my call is counted (name address etc. see 5calls.org for more info) … I’m told that calling is stronger than emailing AND that if you’re really nervous about speaking with a person = call after hours so you are most likely to get voice mail. I am trusting all the people who are much smarter than me who say that these calls DO matter. Mid-terms will come … Trump can’t live forever … and the people in Congress may want to keep their jobs.

2. Paying careful attention to where we’re spending our money. This is a tough one … I feel guilty now about where some of my money has been going — to large corporations/billionaires and not so much locally. There are boycotts and lots of information about which companies still support diversity, equity and inclusion and so you can research this and make informed decisions. Manuel and I made the decision and dropped Amazon Prime, and Netflix, and we have already found 2 smaller stores we’ve gone to to get some of the things we used to get at Walmart. If giving up some of the larger retail places seems overwhelming or impossible - the answer I’ve seen from several of the people I follow is = do what you can to buy more from smaller, local businesses. Cut down your consumption from the big huge monopolies. Amazon was one of my favorite places for fountain pen hobby purchases and I will not say I’ll never again order from them again but I will definitely be much more intentional and explore alternatives for everything with the aim to become FAR LESS dependent on Amazon and Walmart.

3. I’m getting very selective about where I get my “news” and “information”. I started following some of my most trusted historians and political commenters on Substack and I already follow several independent media folks on You Tube. I do not try to keep up with everything. I do listen/read every posting from Heather Cox Richardson, historian, author and political commentator. I resonate with everything she says and I find both her You Tube channel and her Substack to be SUPER helpful. She gives such thorough perspective and ideas of what we can do. I closely follow Bernie Sanders - the Senator from my home state of Vermont… he is currently out on a special “Fighting Oligarchy” tour speaking across the country about the issues that affect us all. When I listen to him speak I am inspired. He’s doing all this at age 83 when he could be at home in Vermont. I can certainly do my part. I can do more than I’m doing. Watch Bernie = he will inspire you. I follow Timothy Snyder (historian, author and Ukraine expert) and I read his books! He is very knowledgeable and he is active on Substack and You Tube. His book On Tyranny is right next to me on my desk and I refer to it daily. When I do peek in at mainstream (nightly news Manuel watches) it’s usually the case that I’ve already heard more nuanced coverage on one of these You Tube channels: Brian Tyler Cohen, Luke Beasley, and David Pakman. They are my top 3 independent media that I currently follow. One thing I really like about Independent media is that they often show mainstream sources in snippet and compare and show an issue in a more complete way. There are a few more but I’m really trying to limit myself and to seek out the topics I’m most wanting to follow and stay on top of. I try to learn something new everyday and I keep a little common place notebook to record things I’d like to look up and learn. I’ve also got several books to read over time which will add to my understanding of history and politics.

4. I continue to prepare for the possible interruption of income and/or supply chains and for the usual emergencies likely scenarios like hurricanes and temporary outages. Being on a fixed income necessitates a high level of preparedness I believe and I’ve written about this in another post. But in case you missed that I’ll list the 3 people I get helpful information from: [these are You Tube channels]: AlaskaGranny, Parkrose Permaculture and City Prepping (Kris). I think this is a way that we can remain as independent as possible for as long as possible = by being as prepared as we can be with mindset, food, water, money, community, etc. Everyone will need to make a prepping plan that takes into account their own specific situation + your dependents. I think it’s super important if you’re on a low income, fixed income or if you have a complicated financial picture … to prepare as much as possible for disruptions and uncertainty.

5. Journaling, counseling and selfcare. I think it’s vitally important to take care of ourselves. This political situation is not going to resolve quickly - it’s going to be a marathon not a sprint so we can’t afford to burn out and do poor self care. For me the most helpful things I’m doing are writing in my journals — I have 2 main journals and a bullet journal. The bullet journal is more like a planner with special projects organized in it too. My “Dear Diary” journal is stream of consciousness/brain dumping - no rules just me and the page. And then my “Process Journal” is where I work thru a journaling format my counselor gave me each day — providing feedback for myself and a direction for how to correct and do better the next day if necessary … it includes gratitude and other things. See the book Lift: A Simple Guide to Mental Wellness and Holistic Antidote for Depression by Tim Tate for more information. I am also back in counseling for help with the stress associated with long distance caregiving and life in general and I’m very grateful my insurance covers this … I have a copay but it’s well worth it. Self care like getting enough sleep, exercise and some fun everyday is vital to me as well and must take place no matter what the politicians are doing. Life is not going to pause for Trump 2.0. I’m in my 60s now and although I won’t put my head in the sand and pretend our country is not being taken over by people who have the interests of only the most wealthy people and corporations = I also will not sacrifice 24/7 the time and life I have left on this earth plane. I am part of the resistance and some days my part will be bigger … some days smaller. I believe it’s wise to keep trying for a balance even when that is super difficult. I have no idea what’s next … what tomorrow will bring for me and my small circle of family and friends … but to meet both the challenges and the celebrations with as much mental, spiritual and physical health as possible is my goal. I hope you found something here that will help you in some small way and just know: you are not alone if you don’t like what’s happening to our country and government. And there are things we can do even if they were previously outside our comfort zones. Thank you for reading and good luck!

It would have been unthinkable in that part of the country with the kinds of winters we had, to have a poorly stocked pantry or food supply. The winter storms were often spectacularly severe and this was before “4 wheel drive” was widely available. So, I learned young about how to manage a kitchen and pantry. But “prepping” wasn’t in our vocabularies … this was just common sense.

I couldn’t wait to have my own home and kitchen and when I got married and became part of my husbands family, I found that my motherinlaw had a lot to teach me that added to my skills and saved us a lot of money. The first thing she did for me was give me an old Singer sewing machine … and she taught me how to use it. (the funny thing is I was in 4H in my youth + I had home economics class but the sewing lessons never stuck until she taught me). The reason she was adamant that I learn to sew was because both me and my husband needed to sew Air Force enlisted rank and unit patches onto our uniforms and she showed me how easy it was to do this myself and avoid all the costs of paying someone else. Plus, she didn’t like that her son (my husband) hand sewed his … she often tore out his hand stitching and sewed his rank patches on for him with her machine but now this would be my job along with sewing on mine. This was good. I figured out very quickly that it would free up more money for books and other things. She also taught me to cook many things like beans and rice and other complicated dinners that I had failed to be very interested in learning to do at home. I’m still very grateful for everything I learned from her because she was great at teaching me hands on being right there to make sure I browned the rice enough and would know what it was supposed to look like and how much of each spice was needed. She was a great teacher and years later she got to reap the benefits of that because I cooked for her for several years!

I never really needed much instruction about keeping a well stocked freezer and fridge because that was modeled by everyone in my family and certainly we cooked most of our meals at home and had to economize in order to make ends meet with a mortgage back in my husbands home town and expenses for traveling back to see my folks in the East.

Prepping (although we still didn’t call it that yet) became more real for me when we moved back to South Texas after our Air Force careers ended. Hurricane country. We didn’t really understand until the first time we went to the grocery store and found almost empty shelves … the need for obtaining hurricane supplies BEFORE the season started but it didn’t have to happen twice. Facing empty shelves is terrible. We got our ducks in a row and followed the lists for what to get ahead of time from then on and we’ve only improved on our preparedness over the years.

In 2020 before the Pandemic hit, we were going thru a time of increased financial health and we were able to shop for food and supplies when we needed them … rather than making the typical immediate run to the store when the pay arrived as we had in the past. I was even exploring minimalism. Then COVID-19 hit and I was not prepared for the kind of empty shelves I was seeing. It was scary. I was embarrassed that I wasn’t fully prepared. I resolved to improve my stock across the board and never to be caught in low supply of necessities again. Toilet paper. Peanut Butter for heavens sake. Laundry detergent. Dish Soap. I started a notebook and made lists of the things I was having trouble finding. I started watching “prepping” videos. I found out about “preppers” and “prepping”. I learned a lot. It was almost overwhelming. But as the weeks went by and finally the stores caught up with the demand for goods … I continued to work toward having a much larger reserve of necessities and food. Water is something we always have to prepare here in hurricane country AND we’ve been thru enough water supply issues to know about having drinking water on reserve. But, the shelves empty of things like peanut butter and canned goods, cleaning supplies, soap, eggs, and even flour and sugar … that was a new wake up call.

Being on a fixed income, the prepping videos I encountered (with rare exception) often seemed quite unrealistic … although as I learn … more categories of prepping seem within reach. Not all. I mean, some people have their homes completely set up for being able to power everything with solar and/or battery and we’re not at that point for sure. But, I learned that mindset is the first, most important thing. Understanding the types of things that can happen in terms of storms, power outages, supply chain disruptions, illness, financial disruptions, and so on … those likely scenarios have to be part of your planning.

Right now (March 2025) we face unprecedented change and disruption. And prepping is no longer an option in my opinion. I read a comment recently online where someone said they can’t afford to prep. But I think that the lower your income and the harder it is to prepare … the more necessary it is to do what you can. If you think about that I think you’ll agree. It’s almost like: “you can’t afford not to prepare.” Especially if you’re low income, fixed income, and/or struggling to make ends meet. Literally every can or item you’re able to put aside for future use will be a big blessing to you. And if you buy things you already use, nothing will be wasted.

I’ll be the first to admit that I know my prepping is still a work in progress. There are many things I may never be able to do or get. But, I go to bed at night knowing I’ve done everything I can. Each trip to the store includes setting aside something for the reserve pantry shelf. We have pets and they are included in our preps as well. I’ll never have the type of pantry that makes for an amazing video or picture … our home is small and things are spread out.

I think everyone should be setting aside provisions and money for hard times. I am also aware that a loss of collected food and supplies could be quite devastating and so I aim to save as much coin as possible. [The floods and devastation last fall in North Carolina really showed a catastrophic worst case scenario so many people endured] We work to hang onto our home insurance (the rising cost is stunning) and keep inventory/records current. If prepping is new to you, there is a world of information on You Tube and elsewhere online about it and there are numerous books. Beware of fear mongering though. You’ll want to find sensible, level headed people who can show you things without all the click bait and insane doomsday rhetoric. The fear mongering will not help. Only level headed thinking and acting and risk assessment can produce the best readiness for disaster, hardship or set backs. We have to be aware of the things we most depend upon like medications, food, water, paperwork, phone numbers, money, sturdy shoes, bug spray, alternate heat sources, alternate cooking devices, power, etc and devise our own plan for how we’d manage in various scenarios.

We plan for hurricanes, power outages, possible disruption in supply chains, illness preventing us from getting to the grocery store, income/benefits disruption, issues affecting our loved one in another state that we may need to respond to, civil unrest, economic chaos, etc.

When I started seriously prepping in 2020 I reused salsa jars and got some oxygen absorbers to store beans and rice for my longer term food storage. I’ve since upgraded to larger Bell canning jars and a little vacuum sealer. I’m aware of even more interesting ways to store larger quantities of food but I’m doing what I can with what I have and what I can afford.

We once had to manage without running water at our house for 18 days. Only turning the water on quickly to fill buckets (after doing all the repair we could and having only a tricky problem awaiting a plumber). That was after the deep artic freeze of Feb. 2021. I filled empty Tidy Cat litter containers with water. Our neighbor filled a big plastic wheel barrow for us out back with his hose which was such a blessing. Those Tidy Cat litter bucket have proven to be really handy for even more projects since then. We flushed toilets with the water from the neighbor and quick as a flash turning our water on to fill buckets when the neighbor wasn’t home. We had our prepped bottled water for drinking for us and the cats. That was a fiasco I won’t soon forget. But it also taught me there’s always a way. And you can figure things out.

My mindset really changed around “minimalism” during 2020 … I now am perfectly willing to save containers and make room for “extra” supply. Everything I look at has potential. I don’t like a complete circus so I am always striving for neat storage and keeping things organized so that I can find them.

Even if you completely set aside politics, (which is hard to do these days)

I don’t think anyone can afford not to prep. Especially people on low incomes, fixed incomes or those with complicated and tight budgets. I’d just like to encourage you to look around your home and wallet and think about things that are likely to happen, have happened or you’ve seen happen to others … and begin your own little notebook to organize your ideas about prepping. There are 3 people I follow on You Tube who I highly recommend if you’re looking for ideas and inspiration: AlaskaGranny, SuttonsDaze, and City Prepping (Kris) … I have found these folks to be level headed and they don’t do fear mongering. They’ve all been sharing their expertise for many years and I’ve learned a lot from them.

Many of you who read this, will likely be more advanced in your prepping than I am, but if by chance the world of preparing is new to you or previously unexplored, then I hope you’ll be encouraged to begin now to set aside provisions, learn new skills and give yourself the gift of preparing … it is always so nice when our preps are not needed for an emergency … the things and money we set aside is never wasted when we go about it in a targeted way, based on our personal needs and food preferences. I’d love it if prepping was universally seen as common sense and accessible to everyone at any income level. To me, it’s not at all fringe or whacky. It’s pure common sense and good self care. Good luck and thanks for reading!

I have been a co-guardian for my mother for the past 10 years. She depends on Medicaid to pay for her assisted living care in a small blue state back East. I live in a big red state in the South. As I write this, Mom is often falling below the skill level needed for her to stay in her assisted living, and in fact she is still there right now because of a waiver the facility obtained from the state which will expire in a couple of months. She is currently covered under a Medicaid program for the aged, blind and disabled AND she pays 75% of her small retirement and social security income in room and board and case management fees. We’re in the process of applying for Medicaid for Long Term (nursing home) Care. (this is the 4th application) Mom’s case is complex and although she clearly qualifies financially, there has been debate as to whether her current facility can still care for her medically within their licensing rules … yet she doesn’t (on most days) qualify clinically for long term care in a nursing home. The clinical nursing assessment has already been done and it appears she may be able to stay where she is with another nursing/clinical reassessment required in just a few months.

As I think about possible Medicaid cuts coming … it boggles my mind because of how difficult it has been over the past decade to deal with the red tape and low staffing that already exists. I am “lucky” if you want to call it that … I work from home and I’m able to drop everything and handle every request for paperwork, phone calls, interviews, application packets you name it. Things seemed to run better from 2015 to 2020 and then as the “system” came back after COVID, it was fraught with constant errors and stress for me. For example, after filling out the recertification for Mom’s Medicaid in November of 2023 … I then got a letter from her state telling me she had been dropped due to failure to respond to the application/paperwork. You can imagine my panic/anger/disbelief. I got someone on the phone after many attempts … and they told me “everyone got those letters … there are just too many cases for us to handle so we have to see who responds”. To me that was a dishonorable way to word the letter. An outright lie. I was in disbelief because I have always found my home state runs things professionally … that had always been my impression. I told the representative that I had copies of everything I had sent them. But she confirmed for me that they had everything in the computer and said they’d “approve her this time” but that I’d have to do a completely new application in November/December of 2024. That paperwork came the following year and it was a longer application, it didn’t look the same but I filled it all out exactly as requested and made my copies. Long story shorter: it turned out they sent me the wrong paperwork because of confusion over previous long term care applications I had to do while Mom was in rehab (to possibly cover what her insurance might not cover). It worked out eventually … I got Mom recertified for her Medicaid … after many hours of working on it.

This is what it’s like. You feel like screaming. You wish to gosh you could just NOT ever have to deal with another application packet or interview or intense request for more financial documents. I once had to supply Medicaid with 50 pages of 5 years worth of financial statements on a tiny retirement account that only had $4 in it - I kid you not. It was some odd remaining investment money I have no clue how to close. That was the day I learned how to upload documents - so all was not lost. I felt a certain satisfaction that they’d have to review all that mass of documentation … such a waste of time for me but they’d have to deal with it too. I put my very best and quite experienced self on the job to do the paperwork in a timely manner every year (knowing how much Mom depends on this help). And the chaos that seems to so often ensue afterwards is downright infuriating. Yet, I still am so grateful each time I get the approval letter. It means Mom will get the complicated and vital care she needs.

Now, this year, I wait and I worry. Mom’s future and my future are in the hands of the lawmakers as to whether she will be able to stay in her beloved state and whether I will become her full time caregiver in our home. All of this affects both me and my one sibling who works full time and often responds to emergencies and her needs back home. Mom continues to express that she does not want either of us to have to take care of her and that she will NOT move to … my state. And yet, I’m already moving the furniture around in my head … figuring out which room would be most appropriate … thinking about what we will need to buy … a bed, an easy chair … we’d also need a ramp … ! I also wonder if I still have it in me to do 24 hour care. I did this for my inlaws in the 90s and 2000s (varying levels of care) … up until 2012 when my motherinlaw passed away and then I was heavily involved with helping my Dad 3 months later when he got Pancreatic cancer. I did a lot of traveling 2012 - 2015. Mom’s health and care needs skyrocketed just a few months after Dad died. It all resulted in a involuntary guardianship … involuntary for her and for me and my sibling who were named co-guardians. So, we also operate under the management of a probate court judge. Annual guardian reports and paperwork whenever there is a significant move or event are mandatory. This year I’ll write my 10th report.

It’s not that I feel entitled to have the government give us hand outs. If I could pay for the care Mom needs I would surely do so in order to keep her where she’d like to be and give her the quality care she needs. It’s not even slightly affordable. My husband and I are on a fixed income. He’s 80 and I’m 61. We have some care responsibilities for one of his siblings now too. Here lately I’ve thought a lot about people who don’t have family members. What on earth would Mom do if something happens to me.

But all personal facts aside, I really believe that all people should have health care and appropriate long term care. I do not believe that this country can not afford to do that. If these DOGE and Congress proposed cuts are made it will be to fund wealthy and corporate tax cuts and that makes me sick. If it truly was a fact that “we” the United States of America couldn’t afford health care and nursing care … then we sure as hell can’t afford to give massive tax breaks for the rich. I only expect wealthy people and corporations to pay their fair share. I know my Mom didn’t do anything wrong and neither did I … the needs that she has are basic human needs. I’m too experienced in caregiving to think that I can easily take this on at my age and considering all my own personal issues. It will only be because there is no other option … if she moves here with us. At this point she’s so frail I can’t even imagine how we would move her here. A short 20 minute ride in a vehicle is too much for her. I researched transportation in a ambulance style van with care and meals included one way from where she is (her door to mine) and the cost is just under $10,000.

Ours is just one story of someone’s Mom who needs Medicaid for long term (nursing) care. There are millions of other people in the same boat. We are not people who have a million or a billion dollars laying around. It’s very sobering when I think about how the DOGE cuts are being made. Hundreds of other harmful policies are also being implemented as I write this. And Medicaid has not yet been butchered but it’s on the chopping block and is my current #1 priority when communicating with my rep and senators. Part of me still hopes that it’s just me = I’m overreacting and the cuts won’t happen. (and everyday I wonder if it is one of my last days of freedom) I dearly hope it is just me … and that nothing bad happens to Mom’s benefits … but I won’t keep my head in the sand - I will speak up for Mom’s right to dignified care and I hope others will fight for Medicaid too. See 5calls.org for information, phone numbers for your Reps and Senators and talking/starting points.